BabyKillingUnicorns

ode to father

2012-01-25T22:12:00.001-08:00

Tonight I read stories, and I watched friends experience fun. I had a few drinks, laughed, smiled, thought, and smoked a cigar. Usually I am unchanged and unmoved by events that happen to me and my friends, but tonight for some reason I stopped and instead of thinking about some significant thing that happened to me, I thought about some significant thing that could happen to me and what someone else did in that situation.
I thought, what would I ever do if I had a kid. I would need to look out for him, teach him, and shape him. I would feel the need to force my morals into him and expose him to sports, arts, social life... and then I realized... My father. Everything he has done, he lifted weights when i was younger and put me into every sport he could, he even became the coach for some sports I was in, and he pushed...but only to a point, and the most important thing is that when he saw that I didn't want to play any sports or do any tough guy things, he never pushed me past the point he thought was reasonable, he let me be my own person. I have never even thought about it.
What does it take to do that? To push forward your ideals to someone who is your responsibility, and then back off when they want to choose a different path? All I know is that at the moment I thought about it, I knew that i would not be able to do it, not until I atleast find my own place in the world. It made me realize how my father might feel, and how hard it might be for him to let me go off drinking in college, the smartass i am, being an engineer instead of some pro hockey player or video editing prodigy. I am not my father, and If I could, I guess I would owe it to him to be far more than I am. I try constantly to move forward because of my parents hopes that I will accomplish greatness. Maybe one day I will and you will read my name in some pointless science journal. I know that every day that I become more mature (which has happened much more this year than others), I move closer to some purpose or righteous reasons to earn good grades and move forward in life.

Short Story While I'm Sick

2011-11-12T00:10:00.001-08:00

Forgive me if the characters aren't pronounced enough and if the story is too concise. I am sick, flu, cold, something, and just had a dream that I sort of used as a seed for this short story. Enjoy it or not, I probably won't ever do anything with this. It might make you laugh.

Peter heard the claws digging into the earth for their momentary propulsion forward, and he knew that if he stopped running for even one second, the beast's claws would be doing the same to him...again. He bolted past tall, solid, thick pines and hurdled over knee-high roots all standing in his way to the cabin. Peter had no idea whether the cabin would be safe or if it would collapse at the beast's first charge. He had no choice. He was stranded after he had been lured out into the middle of nowhere. Each of the beast's toes pattered on the ground as it sped up, and he could almost feel the warmth of its breath on his neck.

He could see it, the wide-open double-door to his warm, safe cabin. As he dove in his feet dangled outside for the shortest instant and then he slammed both doors shut, he set chunks of wood against the door for extra support and then as he went to lock the door his heart stopped. It began to spastically vibrate in a horribly inconsistent rhythm and as he reached for a phone it dropped to the floor beside him. He sprawled out on the floor all night, barely alive, listening to the creature trying it's hardest to pound it's way in, but he was lucky to have made his cabin out of the most durable pine trees he could manage to find. He even thought he heard the creature spew fire across the non-combustible seal he had spread onto the roof and walls.

In the morning the beast left, without any trace of what it was, or why it spent such a long time luring him and attacking him. Peter called a doctor as soon as he was able to prop himself up and scheduled a house call.

"Well, yes, there was a beast, and... well, no. I had no idea she was going to attempt to murder me. It was completely spontaneous!"

"I see...eh...Peter?" The doctor paused and sounded unsure of what the next move should be. "You say that the beast is gone then? For good?"

"I have no idea, but honestly doc, i need someone to tell me if I'm gonna be okay. Can't you risk a quick trip in daylight to at least assess my health?"

The doctor came quickly, wanting to get in and out as soon as possible. He did not come into the cabin though, he entered a humble little side house with a tiny head sized open window that Peter had engineered just for dangerous situations like this. He first took out his stethoscope and then laid various needles and knives out across his makeshift table, and patted it lightly against different sections of Peter's chest.

"Ah yes, I absolutely, definitely do not need to go any further than this. How far did you say you ran just last night? Did the beast manage to do any harm?" The doctor seemed very confident on his current hypothesis.

"Well I didn't say how long I ran, probably one hundred miles, give or take a couple, and the beast did certainly take a large chunk from me, look at this, my ears are both missing, it's terribly hard to hear you without cupping both of my hands next to my head."

"Ah yes, I did notice that you were doing that, HA! I thought you were just a screwball!" The doctor seemed even more pleased that he was not dealing with a screwball than his diagnosis. "Well all I have to say is...well... your heart, it's dead, you can't ever run. Not ever again. You should probably just stay in this house, it's the best option by far."

Peter just stared at the doctor with a horrific vacuum where his mouth used to be. The thought that he would be trapped in his cabin was terrifying, and not only because it would be lonely, but the beast may one day find a way to break in and steal everything he has left. He decided to get used to the new way things were going to be and spent three months not speaking to a single person.

At the exact day that he wanted to give up and leave the cabin and shout for the beast to come tear him apart, a girl came by his cabin. She knocked on the door, asking why I had two large doors but neither of them was open.

"I used to love guests, but...now I just can't afford to have them. See, if I somehow end up in a situation where I have to run to or from them, well, my heart just doesn't work anymore."

The girl sighed and kicked at the dirt near his door, but Peter could not hear it, "I just wanted to stop in and have a quick drink. It's a very long walk up here from any other houses."

"I can hardly hear you, please come around the other side." Peter sat and waited while the girl made her way around the cabin, and when she finally made it around he could not look away from her perfect smile reflecting some of the first sunlight he had seen in months. He gasped. What he wanted to admire of her was her beauty.

She stayed late, and even talked with Peter until the next day. Her freckles danced across her face as different emotions came and went from conversation to conversation. After a month of talking Peter decided to ask her name, and at first she was hesitant to tell him, not because she didn't trust him, but she had told him so many secrets that she did not want anyone to know and she knew that if he had her name, he could bleed them all out to the world. She decided to tell him and the moment that he knew her name felt like the first moment of his life, like his own birth, like his own resurrection. He quickly went to the front door and tried to open it, but there was a problem; the chunks of wood that he had shoved against the door had been expanding and he had no idea how to get rid of them.

"It's fine, it's perfectly fine, I can stay out here until you can get it open. Don't worry the least bit about me, I am perfectly content where I am, as long as I can still see you." The girl was enamored in only a month's time, and honestly, so was peter. Peter stayed by the window as much as he could but as time went on the girl complained more and more about how she wanted to come in, and Peter began to feel worse and worse that he was keeping her there. He told her to leave.

"You need to find someone else, I can't even house you! What kind of person am I if I continue to leave you out there? " Peter said this with his cupped hands pressed, still, against his head, " I don't have the ability to open my doors, so I am stuck with the decision of either leaving you out in the cold, or pushing you away to someone with a working home."

The girl kept talking for what felt like a year, but Peter had no choice but to let his hands down. He could not hear her, and just stared a very melancholy stare until she finally walked away. Peter noticed she dropped something and as he peered out he noticed that it was a heart. she had brought him a heart and was only waiting until she could get in to give it to him. Peter was so enraged at him self that he flew into a mad rage, grabbing vinyls and his small collection of boot-shaped mugs and lobbed them at the wall just to watch them shatter. He destroyed nearly every valuable thing that he owned and then realized that, since he had been holding his arms up for such a long time, they had become much stronger, and so he attempted to wrench the doors open.

At first he spent a month prying and pushing just trying his hardest to budge it open, and then he saw the beast. He asked the beast to help him open the door and take him away for dinner or to be a chew toy.

"I do not need to destroy you any longer, I have changed Peter." peter did not entirely believe the beast, but the fact that it would say something like that without being provoked was definitely different. He pushed and the beast pulled one last glorious tug as the doors snapped wide open. The heart that the girl had left outside was dry and wilted, and he realized that she had been pumping it for the long year that she had been waiting. She tried so hard and he let her down. There was nothing that made him feel that he had any right to talk to her again. The beast had him anyway.

Peter did not want to die if he had any chance to live, and so he made one last horrible strike on the beast with his newly found strong hands, and reached deep into it's belly to pull out his ears. The beast ran away, sad, and helpless. He wondered if maybe the beast was not as vicious as he last remembered.

When peter had the doctor sew the ears back on the doctor refused to come all the way into the cabin and wanted to sit in the outer room. Peter attempted to talk to the doctor, as friends, but the doctor left as quickly as he came. Peter had a few friends and occasionally they helped him fend off trolls from getting into the cabin. The end.

Cheers Mcgeers

2011-10-12T13:48:00.000-07:00

Didn't feel like writing a short story, I am always listening to alkaline trio when I write any poetry, so if it seems dark at any parts, that's probably Matt Skiba sneaking in. Also, you could probably find an Alk3 song who's melody fits this.

I don't remember how the hell I got here.
I walked in, blacked out, full of beer.
I pushed myself away, as I tried to pick me up,
thought I could survive solely on luck,
thought I didn't give a fuck.

I'm in bed watching last night's events,
sad to see how much time I spent
trying to make my life mean something,
ended up with my head in the plumbing.
What a dumb night of nothing.

I don't remember how the hell I got here.
I woke up, layed down, full of fear.
I pushed you away as you tried to help me up.
Thought all I wanted was a fuck,
give me water, fill the cup.

I'm at breakfast listening to stories,
exaggerated, embarrassing, boring.
I was much better at playing it safe,
without drinking or staying up late.
I told myself, and I can relate.

How I got to this place, is still not clear.
All I know is that I am done here.
Being alone was fun in its own way,
Cheers Mcgeers, here's to the next day;
More work and less play.

This isn't meant to make you sad. Sorry if it does.

2011-09-23T22:26:00.000-07:00

We were walking through the woods. It was fall and the leaves had already fallen so that the dim sunlight was flickering through the trees as we trudged through the crackling spider-webbed-bushes. We usually liked to play paintball but had recently all ran out of ammo and just felt like exploring. 7th grade was magical because we were old enough to explore by ourselves but young enough to see the woods as a wide-open untouched land. Deer skittered away when we approached and we could hear squirrels clawing up trees as we passed. So much life was flowing and we just wanted to soak it all up. We were all three bored at some point later, and so when we got to my backyard we didn't want to go back to sitting home alone.

I think Cory was the first to spot it, a creature crawling across the lawn, heading for its hole. A snake. Cory was deathly afraid of snakes and could hardly handle seeing one of those bastards for two seconds. I stayed where I was while Cory flashed to the other side of the yard, kicking his knees up higher than usual so that he could run without putting his feet behind him. Ryan walked forward with such a squinty faced grin that you would think that the snake was planted there by him to scare Cory as a prank. In any case, Cory was not amused. I wondered what Ryan was thinking as he picked up a stick and followed the snake, and although we were all young men, I admit I was slightly afraid of the beast. Ryan stabbed the snake and sure enough it squirmed for a moment before dying from some sort of painful trauma. He held it up towards Cory, who was shrinking back in fear like a little girl, while I tried to act cool, keeping my distance. Ryan didn't hangout with us often, but he was funny and from what I knew of him, I liked him. This was 7th grade. He was sort of a new kid, maybe he had been in my town for a while but I still remembered him as a new kid.

Ryan died today, September 23rd, 2011. He was in a car crash and died on the way to the hospital. Although I don't have much to say, I did not want to spam the Internet with how much I miss him, because honestly, I will probably only be sad that he is gone. The people he is closer to will be the ones that will miss him the most and I am praying for everyone who was close to him, which was a large population of Wellington, Ohio. Ryan, you were a pretty big part of my graduating class and you honestly gave it a huge portion of its character, you'll definitely be missed.

-August

Time to grow up and learn about your heritage!

2011-09-04T13:35:00.000-07:00

So the other day I came upon the most interesting thing ever, and was frightened to death at first. I'll just start from the part where me and my two friends Andrew and Patrick are in the vacation house. We were just discussing what we think the differences will be between Tiger Woods 2013 and 2020.

"Really? I am like, 99 percent positive that there will be a remote ball control function by then." I said.

"Yea, and then the whole point of the game is ruined because you can control your ball." Patrick liked to argue, pretty much always.

"Not enough to ruin the game, you could just have some influence on the path the ball tends to curve along and only when you earn it somehow in some separate game mode."

"Alright I guess I see where you're coming from." Patrick wanted to prove how stupid my idea was but before he had time to point out something else I saw a fin swim by in the water outside our vacation home. It stayed up only for a moment gliding by quickly before it ducked back into the shallow water.

"Holy shit!" I moved quickly to our large multi-paned window and pointed to the shark's wake, "I swear I just saw a shark's fin go by, and it looked huge!"

Andrew looked from the water to me and squinted while he decided whether I was tricking them or not, "Can't tell if you're lying for a joke, or if there is really a shark." At this I realized he was quoting some Internet meme that I had been reading too much of lately. We all stepped out to the dock and looked into the water. Patrick came up behind us and gave us just enough of a violent tap on the shoulders to scare the hell out of us while we waited for more movement beneath the surface.

"Lets get food." Patrick took his keys out and got in the car, so we followed him and waited for him to put music on. He chose something, but no music came out of the care speakers and he started to drive away. We followed a road that was along the lake on a tiny hill, we could watch the reflections of clouds dance across the water as we drove past it. Alkaline trio started playing quietly as we made it half way past the lake. I noticed something following us at surprisingly the same speed as the car and it raised slowly out of the water. I almost screamed, "There's the shark!" until I noticed it wasn't a shark, the scaly beak protruded from the water with a water spraying off of its face until the whole head was out of the water. My thoughts floated to Nessie for less than a second before I saw wings break the thin surface of the water. A dragon, with it's red eyes was watching me, and so I screamed, "There it is! It's not a a shark, it's a fucking dragon! It's - A - DRAGON! LOOK!" But they were deep in conversations about whether the general population should like dub step or folk music instead of rap.

As soon as they looked over they saw just the top of its head duck under. "I saw the fish that you were talking about, but I doubt its a shark," Said Patrick. I sat back in my seat trying to think of some way to show them that it was a dragon. We went to Taco Bell and I bought nothing because I was too busy thinking about the dragon, and then I ended up buying a cheesy gordita crunch on the way out anyway. It's hard to pass one up these days since they don't exist in real life.

When we got back to the house, we all three walked knee deep in to the water, and there was a strangely shaped modernistic design to the dock where it sort of checker boarded out further across the water; not for walking, but mainly for looks.

Patrick stepped further out to mock me, "Do you think the dragon will chomp my leg if I'm out far enough?" he had a big crooked smile. I did almost laugh just because Patrick used the word 'chomp'. We all heard a monstrous splash and could only see a flopping fish tail dive back in. I was confused, was this a shark; Or a fish? I thought it was a dragon. The three of us attempted to dart back to shore and Andrew seemed to be running in slow motion through the knee deep water so I gave him a shove and he fell up on the rough sand I ran past him and pulled him up as we both looked back for Patrick. The top of Patrick's head was submerged by a greenish-blue hand that had the texture of a squid or a shark or any non-scaled sea creature.

Me and Andrew stared forward waiting for something, Patrick to pop back up... laughing, but it never came. Instead the head of a human, with some of the same textured skin as the hand, shot upward and stared at us for a long moment, calculating and weighing options, then it looked down into the water for only a second and dove. There was a splash of the same massive tail that we had seen before, and I thought I had watched the side of it's face warp into the dragon shape before.

We gaped at the water and then at eachother and thought as fast as we could. We knew that no one would take us seriously, at best they would send a team to skim the lake and look for a body, and if they had never found this creature before why would they have better luck now. We knew the only possible way to save Patrick would be to jump in and wrestle that son of a bitch in his own home. We knew also, that he was using this trap for exactly that. We ran to the edge of the dock and plunged in almost simultaneously. Movement was visible just deep enough that we could only catch shimmers of eyes beneath our feet. My heart was not only pounding but it was shooting shocks through my body as an even pace. adrenaline was exploding through my veins as I watched a body swim back past my feet. I tried to build up the courage to dive, and then watched Andrew swim under. I closed my eyes almost at the point of crying from fear and sunk down. I was grasping and whaling in hopes of hurting something or finding an ankle to pull back to shore.

It was dark and I couldn't see much more than two feet in front of me, but when the creature put its dragon face in front of me and darted away, every muscle in my body tightened and I clawed aimlessly upward. Something pulled on my ankle and no matter how hard I twisted my body, I couldn't get loose. I was writhing and oscillating making it difficult to see past the bubbles around me. Andrew's face came into view and he was screaming something in my face that I couldn't make out. "REACH! REACH!" was what it looked like but after a moment Patrick came next to him and I realized they were yelling, "BREATHE!" I had no idea what they were talking about until I watched a massive dragon head appear in front of me again it's red eyes glared into my eyes. I then noticed that Andrew and Patrick had yellowish stripes on their blueish-green tinted skin. We were dragons! No! What? What the hell? I closed my eyes and absorbed the water through my neck. It felt a little like suffocating but I felt my body stop fighting it after a second breath. We floated to the surface. I looked toward the house and asked them what was going on but before I could finish, Patrick interrupted me.

"We are mermaids." He had a massive smile, "We are all mermaids, our parents are too, that's why we even know each other, our parents set us up as kids and now they are taking us here to tell us."

"Why am I just learning this if I am two years older than you?" I asked, somewhat jealous of falling into the older brother syndrome.

"You can't learn alone, some kids go nuts because they have no one to talk to about it." Patrick told us. I was mostly psyched that I could morph into a dragon and breath underwater.

"Can we fly?"

"I'm not sure, ask the others, there is a whole community down there if you swim deep enough." Andrew dove under and we all followed to learn about our newly discovered heritage.

The Old Hob

2011-08-18T23:49:00.000-07:00

I wanted to write, so I wrote this fiction. It's pretty rough, I wrote it in one go over about four hours, and I can see by my constant misspellings that I have to fix, that I am slightly tired, but hopefully if you read this before I skim over and make some corrections, it's not too bad? Lots of dialogue, it's not as long as it looks.

-August

Every young boy wants to find an adventure, whether it be finding a treasure map and exploring the forest near his house, or actually finding some mystical talking animal that might lead him to a unicorn-filled paradise. James Harmon never even took a flashlight and explored the depths of his dingy basement. James' parents spent much of their energy keeping him busy with meaningless tasks from morning until his nine o'clock bedtime. He was forced to get four paper routes at age thirteen and participated in multiple school sports every season. He was successful, but not in any way that he cared about.

"Mom, hey!" James said.

"Oh, James, what did you need sweetie?" His mother sounded busy.

"Well mom, I have some great news, I was accepted." he paused; his face illuminated with the hope that his mother would tell him how proud she was of him. "I made it into law school...Harvard...Mom?" The corners of James mouth relaxed.

"Oh, dear that's wonderful, but did they say if you have any special awards, honorable mentions? Or some kind of scholarship?" She seemed concerned, rather than excited.

"Well, no, I suppose they didn't." James moved his hand from his side to under the arm that was holding the phone. "Isn't it great that I got accepted? At least that mom? Can't you at least give me that for once mom?" James was almost at the point of yelling. He was no longer in his jubilant mood; he was back to his banally stressed self. His mother handed the phone over to his father.

"You're yelling at your mother, son? Is that right?" James exhaled a long slow breath that partially trickled into the receiver and hissed loudly into his father's ear.

"Dad, I was just trying to tell mom that I was accepted into law school, I was excited, I'm sorry."

"Well money is very important. You don't think I got this way by laying around at home yelling at my mother because I was upset that I didn't get a scholarship do you?"

"No sir." James hated this. His whole life he just wanted to prove to his parents that he was able to live up to everything they wanted him to be, a rich successful, happy, respectable, intelligent man that would bring them plenty wonderful grandchildren. "Listen dad, the dean is calling. I'll call you back some time later." James hung up, and walked across his apartment to his desk. He plunked down and propped his forehead up with his hand, palm open. "Screw this." James whispered, as he looked up at the black computer screen. He saw himself say it. "Screw THIS!" He slammed his fist down and glared into his blur of a smiling face with fingerprints smeared near the corners of his reflection. "SCREW THIS! FUCKING SCREW THIS SHIT! FUCK THIS! HAHAHA!" His high pitched laughter was flowing out like helium from a balloon, polluting the air, bringing him somewhat closer to what he felt might be a revelation.

He took his tie off and threw it on the ground, then stood up and dashed over to his three cubic foot refrigerator stocked with a six pack that had sat there for well over a month. He wrapped his shirt around the cap and twisted over and over until he realized it was not a twist off. He cackled when he realized it and set the edge of the bottle on his fridge. He hammered at the cap with his palm and heard a spritz. He knocked the cap of with a second smack and chugged the beer in one go. He then called up a friend.

ring ring...ring ring...ring ri "Hello? James? What's up?" I was not too often that James would call, he didn't just hangout very often and so no one really expected him to call without wanting something.

"Gabe, guess what? Fuck it." James hung up and took a second beer to his couch and just stared out the window into the brick wall that faced him. He sat, smiling and thinking for a half hour before knock knock. He set his green bottle down, first on his coaster, then paused and set it on the bare unprotected wood surface. He stood up and answered the door.

"James, what are...you're just sitting around drinking a beer?" Gabe walked over when James sat down and took a seat beside him. "So, are you alright? Or...?" James smiled, squinted his eyes and said, "fuck it" slowly and then opened his eyes wide closely followed by him dropping his jaw far open and bellowing a hearty, jolly laugh. "James, I'm serious, you are freaking me the fuck out."

"No! no no no, I'm fine! That's just it!" He said springing forward in his seat. Gabe and James both stood up and James walked over and pushed him back into his seat. "I'm fine, alright alright." James rubbed his face slowly with his hands and Gabe watched him with his mouth slightly opened. "Alright, I just need to pull myself together, I understand, I seem a bit hysterical, but I am just realizing that nothing really matters, and I think I can finally enjoy life now." Realization sparked in Gabe's eyes and flooded to the rest of his face.

"Awe man James, I'm sorry, I am honestly real sorry man." He rested his hand on James' shoulder and continued, "Just because you didn't get into Harv..." James stepped back dropping Gabe's arm.

"No, that's just it, I got in. Life goal accomplished. Right?" James hands were moving more than usual. "I made it and my parents, you know what they asked? No congratulations or anything, not shit. All they had to ask was how many scholarships I had. It doesn't matter because no matter what I do, they will just be asking why I didn't do better." Gabe wasn't sure if he should be happy or frightened for James, and he also wasn't sure how much of James' words came from the beer. "Lets get out of here. let's fucking explore; a drunk adventure! come on Gabe, me and you!"

James was grabbing up items for their adventure and then stopped and lost his composure, "Pffffftttt! HAHAHA! What am I doing?" He was contorting his face in the strangest way with a massive grin and eyebrows pressed firmly together almost closing his eyes. "Adventure. Now. No supplies. Lets go."

Gabe had decided to lead his light weight friend just down the road and try to convince him that karaoke at the bar on the corner would suffice as their drunk adventure. When they got to the bar James insisted that for an adventure they had to leave their comfort zone and at least head to the next bar down. "Alright, James, it's your night of mental breakdown and life revelation, you choose which bar will be the first venue of your new happy life." Gabe was irritated and this reminded him of all the times that his parents put him in charge of the house while they were out. James reminded him of taking care of his annoying younger siblings.

"Boys! How are we doing tonight?" A man dressed in a black suit and red, striped tie, approached them from the shadows. The clip clop of his shoes coming closer was what made this scene snap the two men back into reality. "What's wrong? I thought I heard you two, just a second ago, talking about a new happy life." He smiled a devious, wide grin. "Check out The Old Hob on the corner, great ambience, amazing service, and a great place to just hangout." When he smiled again the boys almost expected his teeth to sparkle. "You guys have names?"

"I'm James and this is Gabe." James exhaled, relieved that this guy was not, in fact about to beat them into the pavement with other large men and then take all of their valuables. Gabe perked up after a short moment and spoke.

"Thank god" The red tie man flicked his eyebrows up, "I thought you were going to hurt us. Maybe try a new approach though man, like maybe anything other than coming out of the shadows in an alley?" The red tie man walked right up to Gabe and whispered, "Thanks for the advice." and walked away.

When he was out of hearing range and the boys had walked down the street far enough to not be in shock anymore, Gabe looked over his shoulder and said to James, "Creepy." James replied with a smile and "adventure!" They walked until they were directly in front of The Old Hob, and it looked surprisingly more young and fun than the name suggested. There were neon lights, cute girls, mirrors, lasers on the dance floor, and a waterfall behind the alcohol that would illuminate with different colors, fading from pink, to green, to blue. "Never judge a book by its cover I guess." Gabe said.

Loud thumping music was playing throughout most of the room. It was slightly more quiet near the bar, probably so that its at least possible to order drinks, James was thinking. It was settling to Gabe that James seemed far less off his hinges after a couple beers, a walk around the block and an hour of thought. James walked up to the bartender slapped a ten down and shouted to the bar tender's back, "Two shots please sir, Jose Gold, if you've got it!"

"Going all out tonight James!" The bartender yelled back, "Buyin' drinks for other people and taking shots? If I were to guess, I'd say you're celebrating." James stared at the side of the man's face in the red glow coming from under the bar.

After a moment of being unable to recall who the hell this guy was, James yelled, "How the fuck do you know me?" The bartender turned all the way around and set their shots on the bar, and slipped the ten in his pocket.

"Who said that I know you?" The red tie man smiled from behind the bar.

"Ahhhhhh haha nice trick." James pointed to the man and looked at Gabe laughing. "This guy, what a trickster, he is the fucking bar tender and probably the owner too!" They were all three laughing and then the red tie man straightened his face and slid his upper body across the bar and said under his breath, "You boys want an adventure?" They weren't sure how they had even heard the man, but they looked at each other and wondered if the man had heard them say "adventure" on the street earlier.

The man walked away looking over his shoulder and then disappeared through a door that seemed to lead to a kitchen or a storage room. James and Gabe followed the man through, mostly out of curiosity. They pushed through the door and into a silent room with three chairs around a table. A candle flickered as the only light in the room. "Do you guys know anything about magic?" The boys both looked at each other, uncertain about occult direction their night was heading.

"I'm not sure we're interested." Gabe began saying when James interrupted him.

"He's talking about magic tricks, Gabe, what are you Gabriel Gullible?" James looked over to the man. "Right?"

"No." He leaned in, almost over the candle, "Real magic. Wishes; you know, like in stories. Three wishes. All stories have a kernel of truth, the whole three wishes concept just happens to come from guys like me. But lets not dwell on that, what do you want? What's your magic object gonna be?"

"How about something you robbed off the last guys that trusted you, how about a nice expensive Rolex." James stood up after saying this, "Come on, this guy is creepin' me out." Gabe stood halfway up when the red tie man produced his own wristwatch, a Rolex, and a very expensive looking one. James sat back down and cautiously took the watch.

"Awesome a broken watch, you can keep it, have a nice day, and good luck with your wonderful bar." James attempted once again to leave. But the red tie man was not smiling.

"Sit." He growled, his eyes flickered in the darkness. He relaxed when they sat down and smiled once again. "Come on guys, just have a good time. An adventure. Make a wish." The watch was stuck at 3:15, which James did not take note of until after it was slipped onto his wrist.

"3:15 for three wishes. I get it. Nice touch." James just wanted to leave. "Alright, I wish that you would leave us alone and we could go home safely and never have to step foot in this faggot, gay bar again. Thanks. Goodbye" James was getting agitated; he stood up and turned around only to knock his shin on his own coffee table. He was home, and Gabe was sitting in his armchair gaping at the wall. James looked at the watch horrified that it now said 2:10. Both hands were pointing to the two.

After a solid half hour of debating James decided to make a wish. "Nothing too life changing, I just want to have enough money to go to law school and that is all." James looked to Gabe for approval. "That's not cheating is it?"

"Who cares what's cheating, we each get one wish, so I say wish for what ever you want man!"

"Right. Okay." James tightened his lips and slipped out a long breath. "Here it goes." Sweat had been collecting on James' forehead, and now it began to fall to his eyebrows. "I wish I never had to worry about money again." He closed his eyes, and then opened them. "Huh, maybe he lied, maybe we only had one." James stood up. "I don't feel any richer." He jumped up on the couch. "You know what, we probably drank too much and blacked out." So much for remembering our," James stepped on the back of the couch to make his point, "adventures" Gabe wanted badly to believe that there was actually a creepy bartender who had given them wishes but he was confused, and everything had happened so quick.

James slipped backwards on the lip of the couch as he stepped down and landed right on top of his empty beer bottle. Pain shot through him like a car battery and he convulsed until the pain was too much everything went black.

He woke up in a hospital with his parents at his bedside. They were calling for the house doctor or a nurse or anyone to come see that he was awake. He tried to sit up and ask what had happened, but couldn't. He took less than five seconds trying to move anything and everything in his body, to realize that the most he could do was flicker his eyes violently around the room. "Honey, don't try to move, because, well...you can't. It going to be hard for a while..."

"Don't be soft on him, he needs to know! Son, you're paralyzed for life, I'm not gonna sugar it up, I don't want you figuring it out after you've already summoned up some spark of hope." James stopped moving his eyes and tuned them out. "You'll live with us." His father paused, "well for a while, at least until we find you a nice home." The doctor came in, James did not look, a tear was forming in his eye.

The doctor looked up from his chart at the three of them, "Well, at least you'll never have to worry about money again, eh kiddo?" The doctor's face was consumed with the same devilish grin of the red tie man. James attempted to croak out the words, "I wish we had never met you" to the red tie man. James thought, that maybe if he could gargle something, that it would work as long as his intentions were clear in his mind. Nothing happened.

Gabe quickly walked in looking pale and upset. All of James' attention was focused on Gabe's wristwatch, the two hands pointing to 1:05. He saw the doctor and stepped back against the wall. He looked like he was about to drop. He just wanted to see that James was alive, and so he left.

A week later James was being wheeled around in a wheelchair and able to move in very small ways. Gabe finally came to visit. He wheeled James into a private room and said, "Okay, I think I finally found a wish that might set this straight, but I want your legal advice. I am trying to find the correct wording, I don't want to mess this wish up, and you know how these things usually go, the last wish takes back all the shitty ones, blah blah." James stared forward, praying -although he wasn't religious in any way, this recent encounter with magic made him hope that God existed - in his head that Gabe had some perfect wish. "Basically I just have to wish that we never met that red tie man, right?" James moved his hand.

He was attempting to say, "You should probably be more specific than the red tie man" and for some reason he assumed that Gabe would get the hint, but Gabe jumped straight into his wish. It was obvious now that Gabe spent all of his time, not deciding what to say, but rather deciding whether he should selfishly keep his wish or use it to set everything straight.

"I wish neither of us met the creepy red tie man by the ally, and that we will never have to see him again." At that moment James put his strength into attempting to move and his fingers began to bend. The red tie man popped into the room.

"Hey boys, how's it going." Gabe let the corners of his mouth drop and they both let all of their hope drip away. James gargled in fury. "How do you like my nice new blue tie? It's designer." His smiled dropped. "What, too pricey?"

"You can't do that, it's not fair, just because you changed your tie, does not make you blue tie man, because in my mind," Gabe violently prodded his temple, "You are still named the red tie man. And I made the wish."

"MY MAGIC," He growled and seemed to grow in size, "my...rules." He smiled again, but the flickering in his eyes only intensified. "By the way, my name isn't red tie man, or blue tie man, or fuck shit dick tits, you arrogant little dick. My name happens to be Lucifer. Have a nice life wheeling your friend around gargling cripple man, and wish wasting man.

Lucifer disappeared and James gargled loudly once more. Gabe was left bawling.

The Reason for Elevator Music

2011-08-11T11:00:00.000-07:00

This is a fictional story:

My job is data entry, and it is very, very easy. I sit in front of a computer, typing more ones and zeroes than most people have ever seen in their lives. The irony is that I am entering data for an ophthalmological research project; I stare at a screen until my eyes bleed, so I'm sure to be right back here in the eye doctor's office on my days off.

You can imagine how precious the moments that i step out of the office are, when I'm taking my half hour long restroom break or the hour long trip that I take to "grab a few more binders". No one notices and, honestly, I come in around ten every day, I steal that extra hour from nine to five. It's not much, and I usually feel guilty enough to do two hours of extra work anyway; karma.

At my desk the other day I stopped in the middle of patient number 034KM's entry from their February twenty third visit; the screen was wobbling. I walked out of the office to the restroom and as i exited the office i looked down the hospital corridor to see an elderly couple that had just stepped out of the elevator behind a doctor that was power walking past me.

"Is this it?" The old man said, "I can't see any signs that point to the radiology..."

"They said it was right around the first corner to your left." Said the woman "I can't imagine that it's that hard to find."

"The hospital is a puzzle! I always say that and everyone just thinks I’m joking, but it is a labyrinth woman!" I knew that they were looking for radiology and I also knew that it was in the basement. I also knew that old people consistently take the up elevator accidentally and then, without fail, they leave the elevator before the floor that they are aiming for. I said nothing and crossed the hall to the restroom.

I stood in front of the urinal alone and realized I did not need to pee, I just wanted to be out of the office. Right before I zipped up someone entered the restroom and walked to the urinal next to me. I felt awkward now, leaving without producing some urine at least. I mean, Christ, what if the man saw me flush clear water? He would think that I'm a weirdo that can't even tell when he has to pee.

I could see that the man was very old, he could hardly unbutton his pants with his shaky Parkinson’s hands. I wondered how off the time must be on his wrist watch from all of the shaking he does to it. I tried for a solid thirty seconds to coax a stream of piss out, but nothing came, and somehow I felt I was bound to win the race to the sink. The man next to me finished at the same time as me, and rested his palm firmly on my shoulder as if to stop me, and to hold himself up at the same time.

"Excuse me young man?" The man looked at me, and licked his moustache, such a thin moustache that rested at the edge of his lip, as if he thought that licking one's moustache was a way to prepare to speak. It mostly just weirded me out. "Do you think you might know where the radiology department is? You see me and my wife thought it was down here in the basement and now, well, we're just lost."

"It's in the basement, this is the third floor." I told him. His eyes opened wider and then he looked up to the ceiling while he processed what I had said and then he left and went to the elevator with his wife. I took a quick lap around the floor to avoid riding the elevator with them, before I made my daily trip down to the first floor for a Twix. I eventually made it to the elevator and noticed a black, fine toothed comb sitting on the ground. I pressed the button to go down while a round woman with a fish-like face pressed the up button. As I waited I saw the fish lady look over at me in my peripherals, and I turned to smile and nod at her, partially to be courteous and partially so she would not stare at me. The lady pretended that she wasn't looking at me as soon as she was clearly in my focus.

Ding, the elevator was on my floor, and the down arrow was illuminated. I walked in and the fish woman followed. I decided to just let her walk in, maybe she would learn to pay more attention of the elevators if she had to take an extra ride. She might even get frustrated and for some reason, in the back of my head, I sort of wanted this fishy, bulgey-eyed woman to - CLICK. Dammit! She pressed the button for floor five! In my down elevator, which turns this into an up elevator!

As she saw me jab my index finger at the circular "1" she hissed, "Mayyyybe if you'd pay a little more attention to which elevator's you're getting on, you won't have to take so many rides." the woman smiled as if she was proud of her self for helping a fellow citizen learn a lesson. My top lids sunk over my eyes and I ignored the woman. The silent ride up to the fifth floor was eternal.

When the woman had finally exited, another older man entered the elevator, smiling. "How are you?" He said as he looked for the correct button.

"I'm fine, how about yourself?" I always feel obligated to ask obligatory questions. In my opinion it's more rude to ask them without actually caring about the answer than to not ask at all, but in general people just want to think that that's how manners work.

"Actually, I am doing great, except fo' the fact that I jus' lost my favorite comb." The old man had some sort of hope in his eyes as if he was wishing that I had his comb wrapped in a box with some sort of shiny gift wrap. "I rode this elevator up to the fif' floor by mistake, but now maybe I'll find my comb on the firs' floor if i'm lucky" The man grinned and rubbed his hands together, he was overly friendly, which was nice to see but also sort of uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry I haven't seen your comb, good luck though." DING. We stopped on the fourth floor and the doors slowly creaked open as a humongous woman slowly drug her weight into the elevator.

"Shauntrice! Vauntess! Get cho asses in here before I smack bofe a dose ass cheeks red! I swear I will!" The woman's face was in a rage as if her children were actually purposefully making her life difficult and it had nothing to do with her own fault, becoming obese and raising children that don't obey. "I'mma take you to yo daddy's if you don't behave! You know how he whoops ya-" He slobbery jaws stopped smacking long enough for her to misread the arrows, "Oh wait babies, dis elevator goin up, we wanna go down." She was entirely wrong. I knew that it was actually going down and had no idea what would make this woman think that it was going up, but it was better that I only had to listen to words gargle out of her mouth for less than two minutes. The doors slid closed with a light clunk.

"Man she sure know how to keep them kids in line, heh heh!" The thin man said. "We gonna stop on every floor aren't we?" DING. Floor three.

"Yes! I am positive that we can take this elevator all the way to the basement, we just got off at the wrong time dear." The elderly man from earlier was speaking and entering the elevator. "Ah, there is the young man who helped me out in the restroom, or no, It's not. Or wait, yes it is." The thin man glanced at me quickly but made an effort not to show his curiosity. I looked at him and gave him a subtle head shake just so that he would know that I didn't help the elderly man in any inappropriate way.

"Alright dear, B for basement! Press it before the elevator changes to up again!" The woman was nearly shouting at her husband, terrified of another elevator ride in the wrong direction. I pressed it for the man because he had hobbled slowly to the back of the elevator already. The doors pulled together once again.

"I'm looking for a comb if either of you folks might'a seen a fine toothed comb layin' around." Said the thin man to the elderly couple.

The elderly man's thick grey eyebrows pulled down and he spoke, "No sir, I have not seen your comb," He was speaking in the most commanding voice he could summon, though it was still quite meek, "and I am not helping you find any food or any place to stay tonight either, ya freeloader, allllllways looking for free stuff!" I was actually very surprised at the old man's verbal attack on the thin man, but it's impossible to expect a normal elevator ride.

DING! The old man exited on floor two before the thin man had a chance to say anything back; Not that the thin man even knew what to say. As I waited with my palm over my eyes for the elevator doors to close, I heard footsteps come out of the adjacent elevator and watched the fish lady walk past, then stop and turn to look at the engraved floor number on the wall. She obviously just noticed that she had ridden the wrong elevator, I could see it in her face. She saw me realize what she had done and fear struck her face.

Before the fish woman had a chance to look away I said, "You should be more careful checking which floor you're on before you get off of the elevator, it saves everyone time." I then smiled and winked. She walked away with a violent exhale to show her embarrassment and frustration. Wait, why did I wink? That was weird. I got caught up in the moment, and my face turned red. I winked at some old fish lady, and now I just hoped that no one misinterpreted it. The old man and woman walked back in realizing that they had gotten off on the second floor instead of the basement. The old man was very silent and awkward. The door shut.

I suddenly remembered that I had, in fact, seen the thin man's comb on the third floor before I entered the elevator. As we descended from the second to the first floor I said, "hey wait a second, I think I did see your comb on the third floor." The thin man smiled and asked, "Really?" The elevator slowed and then, DING!

"You think you could show me real quick?" I looked at the thin man wondering if he was serious. "I jus' don't wanna make another trip up if I don't know where to look."

"It's honestly right in the lobby, just look on the ground, you don't need me, good luck sir, have a nice day." I sped off before he had time to respond and right around the corner was my big beautiful vending machine with a soft juicy Twix just waiting for my teeth to crunch into it. I slid my hand into the back pocket and felt only the impression where my wallet had been earlier that day. It was empty and I had instantly remembered leaving my wallet in my backpack.

Welp. Back to entering data. Back...to the elevator.

Golem Story (revision and addition 3)

2011-08-02T19:25:00.000-07:00

I have changed a little bit, re-read if you want. I also have a whole #2 section written, it just isn't revised. Hm, actually, I might as well add it anyway. I'll revise it at some point soon. But so far, this is what it is shaping up to be. Enjoy, if you actually even read this.

Intro

The cool night air flowed across August's skin lightly. He could hardly feel it through his calloused thick skin. The colors in the sky were brilliant and surreal. He stared up at the distant city clouds hovering low, breathing on the skyscrapers. The trees that filled the area were large and open. There were many beautiful statues and fountains, but no one dared to venture into this part of town anymore; it was not safe.
August's attention was ripped back as a man approached from the side of the path. He wore a wife beater under a leather jacket and was reaching his hand into it. This was not something that August worried about, he knew that nine times out of ten, criminals would not reach into their jacket if they actually had a gun. He pulled out a gun.

"Hey!" said the man in the leather jacket, striding towards August. "You look like you could spare me a few bucks, or maybe a wallet." The man shoved the gun into August's neck without a single tremor. August could tell that this man had killed men this way before. August looked like a man.

August was not a man.

"Sure, " August said, ripping the gun out of the mugger's hand. “Let me just see what I’ve got." He crushed the steel and iron into a folded ball of machine parts. The gunpowder from one of the bullets poured out and both of them could smell it. The fake wood grip was snapped in half and shards of it dropped to the ground. "Ah shit, I left my wallet in the car. You know, I really feel bad about this." August said sarcastically. He tossed the remnants of the gun behind him and looked the mugger in the face, "You know what?" The mugger’s mouth slanted down and opened. August cracked a half smile, "I don't want to let you go empty handed now, let me head..." The mugger threw a quick jab at August's face. August smacked it to the left and grabbed the mugger's other arm.

"Hey man, give me a break, just let me go, I wasn't gonna kill you." The mugger realized that he had no chance, and was past the point of bargaining.

"Usually, with guys like you? I don't give them a break," August said the last words through gritted teeth as he slid his hands apart to the man's shoulder and elbow. "but I fuckin' like you," he forced the bone to snap and protrude from the man's triceps. The man wailed and contorted his face in pain. "Now you better get home before I change my mind. It's just a horrible mess when I do that." August smiled and patted the man on the back as he fled. He hid his jacket in a tree and opened his wings. It was getting closer to day and he did not ever stay out during the day.

1

August flew for twenty minutes before he was outside of the city and over a small forest climbing up the side of a hill. Seagulls rose on his left and he began gliding downward. The trees below were a familiar blur that brought him straight to a small opening. August dropped from the sky, in front of the most average wall of stone. The grass in the area was sparse, mainly from golems landing in this particular spot. He wrapped his wings around his waist and settled the tips against his back. He peered to his right and then to his left. There were mossy pine trees and needles spread across the ground. The air was untouched by all but the trees. August rested his hand on a large rock for a moment and then rolled it effortlessly on its side. He pulled out a small emerald from under the rock. It glimmered at his touch.

A few birds chirped and some small rodents scurried up trees but there was something else hiding nearby, and August felt it. As he began to trace a circular pattern against the wall with the crystal, he heard footsteps racing toward him. He knew who it was and quickly whipped his fist around him before he even fully turned his head.
Just before August's fist connected to the attacker's chin he heard "HAAAAAA!!!!" He dropped to the ground. "Whoa, whoa! Hey. It's just me!" He said, chuckling as August stared at him, unamused, slanting his brow.

"Grant." August said "Don't fuckin' try to scare me like that." he stretched his arm toward Grant, "I'm gonna hit your gem one of these times buddy, and then what? We don't even have the light."

"As if you could actually even get my gem." Said Grant as August helped him up.

"Pffft....yea, yea, alright buddy." August turned back to the wall and traced the circle back onto the stone, "You know I knew it was you right?" Grant smiled and waved August on and then in a perfect automated motion he traced the shape of a crystal inside the circle. The entire circular symbol sunk back into the wall. Three solid cubes protruded outward with small slits into the center. The blocks were each the size of a thumb and numbered with dots. Any normal person would get to this point and not be able to possibly move the blocks.

"You know, I honestly would have killed you if you were anyone else." August balled his fist up. "I knew it was you, or else I would have," August flexed his arm and it instantly exploded into solid granite. There was a slight hint of pure crystal that reflected light, the rest was a flat white and black pattern that resembled a household countertop. He punched the large solid hand into his palm, "You're just lucky I didn't use this." He pointed out a fleshy finger and then turned it back into stone. He moved the small blocks with his solid hand one by one into the center. The blocks turned and clicked further back until the circular indent of the wall and the crystal tracing illuminated green. Grant walked forward and waited.

"Where were you all night? A night off and you're gone until daylight." August didn't answer for a moment.

"I was just back in the park," He shrugged, "I don't know. Grant? You know right?"

The wall started crumbling along with the earth the two golems were standing on. They sunk ten feet under, into what appeared to be a dark cavern. August grabbed a torch off the wall and lit it with a match he had in his pocket. He used the torch to light half of a cigar he had smoked earlier. As they walked in, the land behind them sucked back into place and if the earth flexed its limp muscle back to a perfect fit.
"They're never as good when you try to relight." August told Grant while he slowly rotated the cigar above the torch and puffed. August could see the outline of grants round annoyed face in the torch light. Even after walking through this cave almost every day August was still on edge seeing grants white irises flicker at certain angles in the darkness, like any nocturnal creature. August and Grant both had White irises even in broad daylight.

August put out the torch and pulled a few more draws out of his cigar as they approached the entrance to the palace. He threw the cigar on the ground and walked in.

Light flooded from all directions in the massive front room of the grand palace. The walls were polished marble that slipped down over the floors. The ceiling was difficult to see because it was lined with fourteen chandeliers as large in diameter as August's two-meter wingspan. There was a carpet that trailed straight up towards the king's throne room. The eight other doors headed to different sections of the underground fortress. August walked past beautiful black tables which held intricately designed pottery with geodes resting on stalagmite stems.

"August, I see you forgot to wear a shirt..." The golem speaking was Bravais Karst, "Again..." The man was as tall as August, over six feet, and had very green eyes. August turned toward Bravais and raised his eyebrows.

"You're so interested Brav." August chuckled out some deep grunts and elbowed Grant. Bravais, slid his lower jaw forward, "Brav, you need to just come out of the closet already, bud." Bravais moved his eyes from August to Grant, and moved close enough to whisper. He spent a few moments telling Grant something that August was not able to hear. August formed two solid ears, knowing that it would not actually help him hear, but just as a gesture to the other two. They did not notice.

Grant's eyebrows came together, "An idea? That's all you can give me?" He said looking over to August. Bravais whispered a few more sentences. "Yea, I get why we can't say anything, but this..." August waited for some sort of brief explanation or instruction.

"my ears are throbbin' guys." Said August as Bravais bent in for a few more words. "All right guys, this is dumb, just tell me what you need to tell me." August did not want to push too hard. He knew that it was important business, and it needed to be trickled down the line. Grant had been a level higher than August for over a year, and not because he was any better. August knew that it was for his own good. Bravais, he was the King's personal secretary. He straightened up and turned away from them.

As Bravais walked away August asked Grant, "What the hell was that about? Brav doesn't usually have something that he seriously hides from me like that." Grant looked around for a while and then up to August. "It's about the light isn't it? They found it." Bravais' ears perked up as he slowly crept away.

"It's a group of clods about forty five minutes flying distance." Bravais relaxed and walked away at a normal pace. "We're gonna go check it out tonight." Grant wiped the underside of his nose with his index finger and turned to walk back to their living quarters.

"Come on Grant, there's something else, you hav'ta tell me." August and Grant started walking through the marble corridors past personal rooms and doctors offices.

"Yea, soon enough August, trust me, just follow orders," Grant looked at him just enough to make sure that he understood, "It'll all work out, lets just stay in line until it does." In one of the passing offices, August caught a glimpse of a poster on the wall and gave a tiny subconscious flap of his wings. He could never help from looking at that poster. It showed a golem with precise lines and labels superimposed, pointing to every body part. Most were identical to humans, except for the Gem. The sight of the crystals forming on the golem's spine, the gem, made any golem uneasy.

The gem was a vessel for the golem's soul, so it was like a human seeing a diagram that illustrates and labels a human soul. Never let them touch your Gem. August always heard the words of his old partner from the first time they went into battle. Not only will those fuckin' clods kill you if they can manage to rip it out of you and crush it, but they gain your essence. They gain your DNA, and your soul escapes alone and powerless. We can't have clods running around as strong as us wielding solid emerald fists! August had crushed enough Clods, and absorbed enough of their essences to make him granite and only solid granite. A gem sends signals to a golem's body in the same way that the brain tells muscles to flex, but instead the gem has specific molecular structures that the body can turn into. When other creatures’ essences mix with a golem's gem, it creates a mixture of the two blue prints.

August walked into his suite with identical marble walls and a spotless black table with four chairs. The carpet was a dark abyss consuming the curtains that seemed like shimmering green waterfalls over the windows. Out the window August could see, from the side of the cliff, that the morning sun was rising across the water. The light crept around the crescent edge between the water and the wall of rock. The room was a contemporary style that felt surprisingly lived in, with leather, sturdy furniture and an enormous refrigerator. Grant popped open a grape soda and held it up to August.

"Yeeeaaaa sure, toss me one." August said as he contemplated whether he actually wanted it. Grant walked across the room and handed him the glass bottle. "Can't wait to bust some clods tomorrow," He took a swig of his grape soda, "it's been a while."

"Yea, just don't let your guard down, neither of us are as solid as we used to be," Grant looked at the wall, shoulder height next to August. He decided to shake himself out of it rather than sink back into memories. "But who wouldn't be? Yea, don't worry about it, they're held together by what?" Grant smiled, back in a happy mood. "Mud, soil, grass, and worm-shit!" August and Grant weren't afraid of the clods, they had almost nothing to lose because their Gems were already confused to hell. There was no way to cleanse Gems anymore and it didn't matter if they were mixing mud with mud.

2

As soon as twilight struck the sky, August and Grant glided directly in front of Flint and Harris. They were friends, asked to tag along in case of an encounter with something too dangerous. August was positive that nothing was too dangerous, seeing as he was stronger and had more experience than most of the other golems. Besides, there weren't many creatures that he couldn't handle on his own. The four of them, floating through the sky, were chilled to the point that they might have felt like stone even in their flesh forms. When they came across what they knew as site forty-three, they spotted fifteen busy clods frantically shoveling through all parts of the site.

"Now I see why we have backup, Grant." Grant even looked surprised, not taking his eyes off of the site ahead. "Not that we need it. But really, you need to fill me in on why the hell there are more than the standard three or four of these guys buddy." They swooped in lower until they were only about two hundred feet from the forest.

"I don't know, but I'm assuming that four of use were needed to absorb their filth than to take all of them out." August's face was nonresponsive, he had fallen into a mode of obeying orders because he knew he didn't like them and arguing never helps. "August before we head down there, I have this, it's made to trap their essence, but it has to be closer to them than we are in order to absorb anything." August peeked over at the small clear cube that had symbols carved into it.

"Alright then, that sounds a little bit better to me. I can't afford to suck up ten more of these bastards anyway." August and the three others simultaneously flexed their feet, toes down, into stone and began to dive with their wings tucked at their sides. "Right on target guys! Ready to mess some..." Before he could finish his sentence they were close enough to the ground to turn entirely to stone. The four of them launched their bodies waste deep into the soil of site forty-three.

Clods scrambled frantically, they were sagging sheets of dirt; black, brown, some had blades of grass pouring in and out as they moved. They were searching in the ground and in a large cave that the Gem golems had previous used to search for rubies. "These dumbasses think there are still rubies here." August laughed aloud and began sprinting toward them. With one initial jab to the closest clod's back August heard a squeal pour out of where it's mouth would be and light poured from the clod's gem into August's.

"What is the point of this cube if we don't use it, August?" Grant strained his face as he yelled over to August.

"Well how am I supposed to kill something with that cube in front of me?" August then stopped, and watched thirty more clods begin to pour out of the entrance of the cave. His eyes widened and he turned to the forest, not to run, but to think. Grant and the others backed up. A few quick clods got close enough to Flint and Grant that they began ripping out and crushing their delicate dirt gems. Grant did not absorb anything because he had the cube with him. Flint flung his granite fists through the beasts leaving gaping holes that filled back in with dirt. He swept a stone leg under the clod in front of him so that it dropped to the ground and revealed a mound of loose dirt. Flint hammered the clod's gem into the ground. There was never anything more satisfying than the screech of a dying clod.
August was already flying away toward the trees, so Harris followed him. Harris dropped right next to him.

"What the hell kind of help are you when you dart off right when the battle starts?" Harris yelled. August looked away and began tugging at a tree trunk that was at least thirty feet tall and four feet thick. "What the hell are you doing? you're gonna fly all the way over here to"

"Hey Harris?" August was actually sweating and his eyes were closed when he began to speak. "Why don't you shut the fuck up," he looked into Harris' eyes so that Harris would listen, "and grab the fucking tree trunk...?" August began to rip the tree upward again. Harris and August had thier fingers dug firmly into the bark and the roots began to emerge from the ground. With one violent jump, the two of them wrenched the trunk from the ground. As they flew the tree over, August shredded all of the thin branches off of the top of the tree. They landed next to the battle, which was easily being won by Grant and Flint.

"Grant! Smack that cube in the tree." Grant smiled and forcefully rammed his thumb into the underside of the tree, making a divot the size of the cube. He closed the hole and August took off toward the group of clods. He saw a group of five clods stop and begin to turn around, and with a massive swing he smacked all five of them directly in their midsection. The remnants of what were their heads and legs flew out towards Flint and Harris. As the creatures screamed, light poured into the end of the tree. August darted across the empty barren field smacking clods left and right while Grant and the rest chased other clods to them. Almost thirty Clods had darted back into the caves.

"Alright, follow me." August bellowed not only to Flint and Harris, but to his superior, Grant. Grant did not enjoy taking orders from August, but did not complain. They four of them flew into the cave's main entrance and August point the tree directly in. The base of it walloped several clods into the ground and even the ceiling. When August reached a dead end, they were severely out numbered.

"August, they're about to suffocate us in dirt, you can see that right?" August looked back at the light trickling in from the opening. "We can't fight in here!" August turned the trunk sideways so that it was propped up by the wall and then began to force it into the walls deeper. The four helped him, not sure what he was doing. He began to plow out of the cave, ripping out the base of the walls, and dirt began to drop down in large chunks. The four of them together could run at almost full speed while pushing the tree. The clods noticed what was happening eventually and chased them toward the entrance. Large, hard stones started ripping out as they got closer to the entrance. The trunk got stuck to the point where they could not move it without ripping it in half so August leapt over the trunk and made his hands into rock hard scoops. He ripped the rest of the base of the shaking cave out while the other held the clods back. As the opening closed the four of them flew out and the heavy solid cave collapsed with a loud roar. The death of forty clods made a noise that echoed through them with relief. The glowing essences of all of the clods flowed through the walls and then circled the cave until they could find the cube.

"We're done." Said grant as he flew upward without discussion.

"We're done?" August said, mouth open and brows contracted. "What about the reason? What about why the fuck were there so many of them? Are we just leaving the cube in there and not even trying to understand what they were looking for?" Grant looked at August. Harris and Flint were trailing close behind. "I'll tell you when we get back."

Golem story with revision and second part.

2011-07-22T19:33:00.000-07:00

The cool night air flowed across August's skin lightly. He could hardly feel it through his calloused thick skin. The colors in the sky were brilliant and surreal. He stared up at the distant city clouds hovering low, breathing on the skyscrapers. The trees that filled the area were large and open. There were many beautiful statues and fountains, but no one dared to venture into this part of town anymore; it was not safe.
August's attention was ripped back as a man approached from the side of the path. He wore a wife beater under a leather jacket and was reaching his hand into it. This was not something that August worried about, he knew that nine times out of ten, criminals would not reach into their jacket if they actually had a gun. He pulled out a gun.
"Hey buddy, " said the man in the leather jacket, striding towards August. "You look like you could spare me a few bucks, or maybe a wallet." The man shoved the gun into August's neck without a single tremor. August could tell that this man had killed men this way before. August looked like a man.
August was not a man.
"Sure, " August said, ripping the gun out of the mugger's hand. “Let me just see what I’ve got." He crushed the steel and iron into a folded ball of machine parts. The gunpowder from one of the bullets poured out and both of them could smell it. The fake wood grip was snapped in half and shards of it dropped to the ground. "Ah shit, I left my wallet in the car. You know, I really feel bad about this." August said sarcastically. He tossed the remnants of the gun behind him and looked the mugger in the face, "You know what?" The mugger’s mouth slanted down and opened. August cracked a half smile, "I don't want to let you go empty handed now, let me head..." The mugger threw a quick jab at August's face. August smacked it to the left and grabbed the mugger's other arm.
"Hey man, give me a break, just let me go, I wasn't gonna kill you." The mugger realized that he had no chance, and was past the point of bargaining.
"Usually, with guys like you? I don't give them a break," August said the last words through gritted teeth as he slid his hands apart to the man's shoulder and elbow. "but I fuckin' like you," he forced the bone to snap and protrude from the man's triceps. The man wailed and contorted his face in pain. "Now you better get home before I change my mind. It's just a horrible mess when I do that." August smiled and patted the man on the back as he fled. He hid his jacket in a tree and opened his wings. It was getting closer to day and he did not ever stay out during the day.

August flew for twenty minutes before he was outside of the city and over a small forest climbing up the side of a hill. Seagulls rose on his left and he began gliding downward. The trees below were a familiar blur that brought him straight to a small opening. August dropped from the sky, in front of a wall of stone. The grass in the area was sparse, main from golems like August landing in this particular spot. He tucked his wings against his back and peered to his right and then to his left. There were mossy pine trees and needles spread across the ground. The air was untouched by all but the trees. August rested his hand on a large rock for a moment and then rolled it effortlessly on its side. He pulled out a small emerald from the bottom of the rock. It glimmered at his touch.
A few birds chirped and some small rodents scurried up trees but there was something else hiding nearby, and August felt it. As he began to trace a circular pattern against the wall with the crystal, he heard footsteps racing toward him. He knew who it was and quickly threw his fist behind him before he even fully turned his head.
Just before August's fist connected to the attacker's chin he heard "BLRAHHH!!!!" He dropped to the ground. "Whoa, whoa! Hey. It's just me!" He said as August stared at him, unamused, slanting his brow.
"Grant." August said "Don't fuckin' try to scare me like that." he stretched his arm toward Grant, "I'm gonna hit your gem one of these times buddy, and then what? we'll need the light to get you back."
"As if you could actually even get my gem." Said Grant as August helped him up.
"pffft....yea, yea, alright buddy." August turned back to the wall and traced the circle back onto the stone, "Can we go inside? Or do you have another prank for me?" Grant smiled and waved August on and then in a perfect nimble motion he traced the shape of a crystal inside the circle. The entire circular symbol sunk back into the wall.
"You know, I honestly would have killed you if you were anyone else." August balled his fist up. "I knew it was you, or else I would have," August flexed his arm and it exploded into solid granite. There was a slight hint of pure crystal that reflected light, the rest was a flat white and black pattern that resembled a household countertop. He punched the large solid hand into his palm, "You're just lucky I didn't use this." He shoved the rock fist into the circular indent of the wall and the crystal tracing illuminated green. Grant's entire body gradually forced itself into a massive granite statue of himself. "Ha! go ahead and try that next time, we'll see who would shatter first!" Grant turned back to his humanoid form and August's fist followed as they waited for the wall to open.
The wall started crumbling along with the earth the two golems were standing on. They sunk until the point where they could comfortably walk into what appeared to be a dark cavern ahead. August grabbed a torch off the wall and lit it with a match he had in his pocket. He used the torch to light a cigar he had only smoked half of earlier. As they entered the land behind them sucked back into place and if the earth flexed its limp muscle back to a perfect fit.
"They're never as good when you try to relight." August told Grant while he slowly rotated the cigar above the torch and puffed. August could see the outline of grants round annoyed face in the torch light. Even after walking through this cave almost every day August was still on edge seeing grants white irises flicker at certain angles in the darkness, like any nocturnal creature. The only difference was that August and Grant both had White irises even in broad daylight.
August put out the torch and pulled a few more draws out of his cigar as they approached the entrance to the den. He threw the cigar on the ground and walked in.

Rough short excerpt of a possible story

2011-07-17T22:07:00.000-07:00

first of all the character doesn't have a name yet, so i used my own.

The cool night air flowed across August's skin lightly. He could hardly feel it through his calloused thick skin. The colors in the sky were brilliant and surreal. He stared up at the distant city clouds hovering low, breathing on the skyscrapers. The park that he liked to inhabit was rarely visited, especially at night. The trees that filled the area were large and open. There were many beautiful statues and fountains, but no one really dared to venture into this part of town anymore; there were too many crimes.
August's attention was ripped back as a man approached from the side of the path. He wore a wife beater under a leather jacket and was reaching his hand into it. This was not something that August worried about, he knew that nine times out of ten, criminals would not reach into their jacket if they actually had a gun. He pulled out a gun.

"Hey buddy, " said the man in the leather jacket. "You look like you could spare me a few bucks, or maybe a wallet." The man shoved the gun into August's neck without a single tremor. August could tell that this man had killed men this way before. August was not a man.
"Sure, " August said, ripping the gun out of the mugger's hand. “Let me just see what I’ve got." He crushed the steel and iron into a folded ball of machine parts. The gun powder from one of the bullets poured out and both of them could smell it. The fake wood grip was snapped in half and shards of it dropped to the ground. "Ah shit, I left my wallet in the car. You know, I really feel bad about this." August said sarcastically. "You know what, I don't want to let you go empty handed now, let me head..." The mugger threw a quick jab at August's face. August smacked it to the left and grabbed the mugger's other arm.

"Hey man, give me a break, just let me go, I wasn't gonna kill you." The mugger realized that he had no chance, and was past the point of bargaining.
"Usually, with guys like you? I don't give them a break," August said the last words through gritted teeth as he grabbed the man's shoulder and elbow. "but I fuckin' like you," he forced the bone to snap and protrude from the man's triceps. The man wailed and contorted his face in pain. "Now you better get home before I change my mind. It's just a horrible mess when I do that." August smiled and patted the man on the back as he fled.
He hid his jacket in a tree and opened his wings. It was getting closer to day and he did not ever stay out during the day.

2011-07-12T23:44:00.000-07:00

I write too much these days. I write so much that I'm too exhausted to have any passion or excitement to write something new. I write lab reports, pleas for scholarships, emails to bosses, teachers. I'm pretty much sick of learning things that I don't want to learn and spending all of my time pushing through huge masses of bullshit. If there is an easy way to handle this I want it. If engineering school is this stressful and tough, why should the job be any different. The only thing that keeps me moving is that finishing and getting my degree will at least give me a solid foundation.

Love.

I finished the fountainhead tonight. Awesome book, great characters. I could stand to step out on a few of Toohey's never ending monologues. I don't even write in this blog for whoever reads it. If anyone is, you're welcome to leave at this point, the exit is on the upper left. Honestly if I had anything worth reading, I would be content only having written it, and if I post my short stories and not a single person reads them, I will be content that at least no one had the nerve to criticize something without me asking for it.
_August

The Dissolving Moon

2011-06-27T19:11:00.000-07:00

I stand toe to counter, for my last moment.

Peacefully absorbing, as I still own it.

I finish my thoughts, I’d rather not dwell.

I make my last motion; to dive, swallow, swell.

Patiently waiting for weakness to rush.

Stomachaches, free mind, mouth tightly shut.

Brilliance flows into my ocean of thoughts,

it raises the tide from lower bank to top.

This storming sea of synapses is finally tame.

Ambition is peaked while body is maimed.

I've watched this sky illuminate before

The moon, it travels: horizon, sky shore.

The reason I can't stand to let myself blink:

To rest again, the moon will eventually sink.

Momentous Vs. Insignificant

2011-06-27T18:32:00.000-07:00

Momentous
"Another invention seeps its way in.
Before it's even finished I must begin
to tell everyone around me what I will create.
I MUST tell August with absolutely haste!"

Insignificant
incessantly approached with ideas called brilliant
by the thinker himself, despite criticism, resilient.
He cannot hold in, as it passionately burns:
his unimportance of great concern.

This was created via a diction exercise where I chose two words, opposite in nature, and wrote a poem about each. I connected my two poems via opposing perspectives from the same encounter.

Whoa Buddy!

2011-06-18T15:18:00.000-07:00

A poem by August Yadon.

Starting Freshmen year I had a room mate.

I once walked in on him, mid-masturbate.

Startled he was, as he stood from his chair.

All I could see was his back, pale and bare.

As I pulled the door shut, a smile was cracked.

He yelled, "whoa buddy! When did you get back?!"

I patiently waited outside our room.

The words "whoa buddy", in my head, did loom.

He came to the door in his running shorts,

towel over chair, we all knew, of course,

what John was doing here, while I was out.

He thought I'd be gone for another hour.

The embarrassing part, he did not know,

Was that Chris, already, told our whole floor.

Poetry (3 poems)

2011-06-14T16:01:00.000-07:00

I'm in a poetry class.

Here are some poems that I have written during the first week.

(Key words: first week)

Poem 1 - free verse

There is always a moment that you realize you've been daydreaming.

You quickly grasp a car in your train of erratic thought.

Hand under hand, you climb memories like an oscillating rope.

You search your tangential branch of thought

for the trunk, the body of consciousness.

With one unavoidable step too far,

you'll losen your steadfast grasp.

You'll drop into a sea of vague thoughts,

rifling through each one,

discarding fabricated fragments.

Watching pieces fade.

Disoriented in your search,

you will never recall

what originally brought you

to wander here.

Poem 2 - Sonnet

From my boat, I cast my pole to ocean.

Spend a weekend waiting for a motion.

A snag occurs, and then tug, and then jerk.

On the end of a string my prize does lurk.

I retract my rod with the utmost care,

but in so much pain, my palm is ensnared.

The hilt, no longer my weapon of choice;

Only lure, brimming with beauty and poise.

I can see the hook, puncturing my hand;

The part of the lure that i cannot stand.

The truth is: I need them both together,

I love them as one, for worse or better.

A fisherman can never be a fish.

Cast your line out, and hope you never switch.

poem 3 - a joke

Butthole flapping,

Sphincter Unwrapping,

surrounding air retracting,

nostrils and taste buds reacting,

guilty party cackling,

near by victim collapsing.

What are you doing?

2011-05-23T22:25:00.000-07:00

This will surely be a question addressed to me from future August. Not knowing how near of a future I am talking about, I will just leave this mentioned future very vague. Lessons are best learned through experience. No matter how many people tell you that what you are about to do is a bad move, how can you know for sure? You can't unless you plow through it. If I am contemplating it, I obviously need the life experience.

If you are contemplating anything in life that you think you might regret, do it, and then regret it. Learn from it. Remember how it felt, and then you will no longer contemplate it. You won't think about it, you won't regret not trying it. Everything is better when you dive in, suffer, learn and move on. Even if you know its going to be a bad choice and you just can't remember why since your last escapade.

Thinking out loud.

Late addition:

I felt that this does not deserve its own separate post.

There's not really anyone to talk to about this that won't directly and instantly oppose me with every possible reason that can think of. I guess I would do the same, if I cared. Usually I don't, decisions shouldn't be made by friends. I know this won't work, I know that it's already hurting me, but I can't stay away.

Final cut BabyKillingUnicorns

2011-05-20T15:45:00.000-07:00

Dear viewers/readers who are somehow still following me,

What a foreboding summer this will be.

With my new camera, (new as in from last november) it has been hard to edit footage. This is due to me only having final cut studio 2. For those who don't know, that version does not support HD. Now my father has just lent me his install discs for the most up to date version (FCS 7!). I am a happy duckling now because i can just load footage and freaking edit it! No converting! No adjusting settings for some hellishly long period of time! I can literally make a video in under an hour if I need to!

So what am I doing? currently I am uploading slash editing 3 videos. I'm going to test final cut with the current slow motion cat video. My friend John was super psyched to help make it. Also, with all of my engineering classes over the past 3 years, it's been difficult to keep motivated and inspired to do anything not based on problem solving.

OK, BAD NEWS: I have 14 classes to take before i graduate, i am forced to overload for the next two semesters AND I have to take 3 summer classes on top of that. I am trying to work 20 hours per week over the summer so this is going to be unbelievably tough.

GOOD NEWS: 11 of my remaining classes are electives...ha...ha. Five of these electives are actually tech. elecs. So they might be microprocessor design, operating systems, data bases. Over the summer I am taking Art, creative writing, and philosophy. My creativity will be supercharged and I will not be able to go to sleep. My only release? To make more videos!

I apologize if this post is unbearably long.

If you know me, get on my ass about videos and I will surely be making them. For the millionth time I am once again motivated to make videos and need to get back into the swing of it!

If you wish to help, just subscribe and let your friends know whenever I put up a video that you like!

_August

Love moves like a car crash.

2011-04-18T00:12:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd have control of it until I didn't.

Ya know?

Now back in control, I realize I am and will be for a long time, too afraid to let it consume me.

Anyway, the morning is tilting a little too close over those hills, and I need to crawl under a blanket before its too late to fall asleep.

By the way, i'm listening to The Matches right now unless you couldn't tell.

_August

18 credit hours? what was i thinking?

2011-04-11T16:18:00.000-07:00

Right now, the smallest problems look so big.

And then, there's school work. Completely neglected.

I just can't force myself to do all of it. 18 credit hours! I want to drop out at this point. But the thing is, I'd have a better chance surviving the world with Ds in my classes at case than dropping out and doing anything else. Obviously I won't let myself actually get straight Ds, but its impossible for me to avoid getting some. I guess this semester just not taking ADD meds didn't work, I've been on them all my life, so even in the event that I could live without them, I've already become dependent on the motivation they give me. Ah well. I hate being dependent. I'll keep taking it and scrape by this semester.

Rant blah blah, I don't use this blog for much anymore anyway.

Anecdote? Wish I had the time. I should get back to my paper...

_August

Sleepytime

2010-12-25T22:57:00.000-08:00

Do you ever stop to think, " what happens when we die?" Well, yea probably you do, or have before, unless you have Downs and your closest thought is " What happens to the class rodent at the end of the school year?" I have always had this idea in the back of my mind, a completely ridiculous one, but as plausible as any. Before we begin, i'd like to remind you of The Truman Show. We believe the world we are presented into. I am a Christian, I believe I will go to heaven for believing in Jesus. Why do I believe this? Because I was taught it. Not bashing or anything, I'm just saying, if an idea hasn't been presented to us yet, they will seem ridiculous, so all ideas are ridiculous to someone, therefore all ideas can be plausible if presented to someone in an intelligent way.

Dreams. We have them without knowing that we are having them. Occasionally there is a dream in which the dreamer realizes they are dreaming. From what I remember I have always realized that I am in a dream only when the idea comes to mind. I have never not thought I was in a dream when the question popped into my head. That is, I never stood there in my dream and thought, "I am not dreaming." At least not to my knowledge.

This is the main staple reason that it seems so ridiculous that we are in a dream. What if at the end of our lives, we wake up.

In a dream I have never been conscious of my awake life without assuming that that is the life that I also lead in my dream. In other words I never realize I am in a dream and then think about some memory I had outside of the dream (unless of course it was recreated in dream form in that same dream.) The strangest part of this is that I have however recollected past dreams in a current dream. This seems to imply that memories from dreams can more easily be summoned to consciousness in a dream than in real life. Dreams are lower than being awake relative to consciousness. Is there a third state that we actually cannot realize we are below? Maybe we have an even greater mental capacity. Maybe we could easily understand what happens to us when we die in that higher level of control of our minds. I don't even know what this is about. I simply was falling asleep here, got an urge to ramble some nonsense. My main focus, in order to entertain myself, was to see if I could make this absurdity seem feasible. I don't care enough to re-read my own words and i am now about to fall asleep once again. Goodnight and I hope no one was too bored by this post. (I hardly post enough for anyone to even know this exists anyway)

-August

New Camera, Finally my own baby.

2010-11-17T11:10:00.000-08:00

I've never really had my own camera. Well, no, I have but it was suchhh a hassle to import video and the quality was far below perfection. Now, I just spent $749.95 on the Panasonic HDC-TM700k. It is what I want. It is everything that will make video making a breeze. Finally I will have the capability to complete creations that have not recently escaped my own thoughts.

I've got a great one lined up, it should be hilarious and maybe I'll make more just this weekend, I plan on making something every weekend, probably on wednesdays too if my mind can manage to create enough. I made a comic sort of thing with mainly planned camera shots, and some loose scripting with plenty of room for improv. I've never made a video that had a script. Well, no, I have, but they all sucked. Now I am attempting this in between thing where I write my ideas out loosely on sticky notes. Maybe I'll share after the video is posted. Yea, I'll Definitely share.

Anyway. If you can't wait to see the new video, multiply that feeling times 5 trillion and thats how antsy I am for my new camera to arrive on friday!?@@!!#GWESGRSRT4qt4g5reds

Sincerely,

August

Zombie Dream.

2010-11-14T17:19:00.000-08:00

I had a dream the other night. It was graphic and I remember much detail. I felt that this was reason enough to share my story. By the way, I did not mean to create such a soulless protagonist, that's just how it feels to be in a dream, yaknow?

I will spellcheck/ grammercheck/ edit if I ever take the time to read back through this.

It is a draft, and will most likely always be.

I was in a bus station. I'm not sure how I know this, but with a quick scan of my surroundings I noted people standing around, inside a building with two walls missing. Well, the walls obviously weren't missing, due to they were never there, nor did they even exist. The people gathered towards the two gaping doorways for what I assumed were East and West routes. It took me a moment but eventually I noticed my friends, Patrick and Patrick, along with my brother waiting with me. I did not wonder where we planned to go, nor did I ask, I just walked around, waiting.

Andrew and the Patrick's were making jokes and cracking themselves up while I tried to keep a look out for the next bus or train or whatever was coming. Then, the first of the infected arrived. I was expecting it for some reason and I was ready. It was nothing but an old lady, but panic exploded and instantly everyone was sprinting. I only had a second before she was right next to me leaning in for my succulent juicy arm. I easily dodged her, as she dropped to the ground shattering her brittle skull. To survive in this world, you must be a killer, and so I retrieved the old woman's custom gripped cane and bashed her head into the ground until her flabby little arms could no longer attempt to push the earth from beneath her.

Expecting my friends to be in a panic, I searched the whole room for them. I instantly found all three exactly where they had been before the chaos. They were unchanged and not look concerned about the zombie woman. They didn't seem to notice that the whole room of people were now gone and that there was probably no use in sticking around. I asked them to hurry and leave with me. The unanimous decision, excluding my own, was that it was alright to assume the whole situation was over. As I tried harder to beg them, an older man came from the doorway extending his arm towards Patrick. At first I thought he was asking for our protection, and I knew there were obviously more coming. It was the woman's late husband, and so I threw the cane above me and whaled on the old man until he was done twitching and unable to make noise. The noise the make. The fucking unbearable raspy, breathy cries for help, underlined and bolded with rage are the only reason any man can continue to beat these zombies. If not to save his own life, any surviving man would kill these creatures simply to stop the sounds.

I knew Andrew and the Patricks had left to safety and I relaxed my chest in relief. I began running. I kept running. I ran until I saw no one around, until there were no trees, buildings people, zombie hiding places. I found Andrew sitting alone at an Ice cream shop. He was eating Ice cream as uncaring as if it was such a boring day that he was eating ice cream out of boredom. I saw a large three story furniture store directly across the street and told him that we could run inside and hide under office desks until they starve. That it was the only safe option for people in our situation. Also I asked him why he would not come, and why did he not care about saving his own life. Then I felt it necessary to search the two story apartment directly beside the ice cream shop for supplies. Hell, maybe they would have guns.

I entered the house with my shirt drawn over my nose to filter out the death in the air. Two women walked toward me slowly enough that I had some time to think. My first thought was that this mother and daughter were probably dead, seeing how they were both very pale and their eyes were both very watery. I also recognized a red trail of teeth marks on the mothers clavicle. They weren't flaking, they were still fresh. I felt horrible, because at this point they still seemed like they were human. It's so hard to kill them when they haven't even begun to rot. As the mother waddled in through the kitchen I built up some courage and again I rammed the handle of my cane into her temple. It took three or four strong bludgeons before the mother fell over, and in between I had to throw her little daughter against the wall repeatedly. The little girls head exploded with one solid connection, but it took me stomping on the mother's head to stop them both. I headed straight up to the bedroom and searched for a gun, with no luck I continued to the second room.

It was a bathroom, and inside it contained a rabid puppy. Rabid zombie dogs do not move slowly, they move quickly and this one was literally running from room to room. At the first chance I had, I stomped it, breaking it's tiny neck. In the bathroom, I saw myself. I frantically searched for possible entries that the blood spatter could have reached. I was clean and prayed to god that I would stay that way. With no other options I hurried downstairs only to see a man in office clothes, mouth gaping, standing in the kitchen entrance. His face was slowly tilting up towards me, until it locked on and then instantly his eyes locked on me. He had such a deep helplessness that I had no idea what to say.

"They were gone", I limply choked out. He only stared through me obviously unable to process what had happened. I wanted so badly to apologize, but I knew that he knew that nothing I could say would have any impact. He also knew that I had to do it.

"That..." He paused for a long moment. "She was my daughter." His throat dried out before the last word came out, and his face contorted.

"I would have done anything I could if there was a way to not kill them." I had no excuse that he would ever accept. I thought about leaving him in his house, he obviously could not travel with me because he was so weak now. I watched his face waiting for a tear.

"That was my wife." He threw his arm between the coffee table and the couch, where I had layed the bodies. "That was my wife and my little daughter, and you." He hesitated for only a second and changed to a softer more penetrating tone, " and you killed them." A tear of blood dripped from his eye. I knew that he was changing, he was about to become a zombie. Did he know it? I had no clue.

"Listen," I attempted to grab his attention. "There is a rabid dog upstairs, and I know you don't care anymore, and I know that you are in shock, but imagine for a second that you were me." He looked up at me, "Imagine that you had a brother still to help survive. I know your wife and daughter are...gone, but please help me kill that dog so that at least this area is safe."

"My wife, and my daughter" he kept mumbling to himself.

"Listen to me, go in the kitchen and grab the biggest sharpest knife you have, the dog attacked your little girl and at least we can kill the dog." The man walked into the kitchen. Every second my heart pounded faster, was he going to zombie-out on me? How long does it take to go all eyes-rolled-back blood thirsty? I was counting on him to be alive for at least long enough to be taken by surprise. He returned with the knife, the biggest one in the woodblock.

"will this one work?" He asked me, blood running down his cheeks.

"Perfect." I told him, and then I took a deep breath. "Please forgive me for everything."

I stabbed the blade through his jugular four times before I wrenched it upward and scrambled his brain. I felt sorry about this guy most of all. He was lethargic not from being dead but from watching his family die, come back to life and then get slaughtered. I felt deeply sorry for him and at the same time, I knew that it was the only choice I could make.

Fatteries

2010-10-04T13:20:00.000-07:00

Dear future self,

When you graduate as an electrical engineer, please don't forget the wonderful thought invention of "fatteries". They are a great idea. Most likely they will sell. Make them.

Oh and by the way...nice job skipping class today asshole...

- (soon to be)Past August

Summer '10

2010-08-08T13:59:00.000-07:00

I have not uploaded too many times this summer. I upload when i have a good idea or something i feel like showing everyone. I don't sit down and chat with the camera like i used to. I think its a good thing, i mean, if i'm not into it anymore it would probably suck, i'd rather not produce shitty too many times redone material. Since I never update anything, why don't i tell you about vinyl. Maniac sold 500 records. It was their first hard copy of music available, so i purchased one. I have been searching for a turntable for weeks now and finally i swindled a guy at a flea market, leaving him with nothing but a few lies and 20 bucks. Luckily i was provided speakers by my parents.

When i finally set up the turntable, i realized that the experience was much more than listening to music. Moving the needle over the vinyl, it's hard to convey to you without letting you do it yourself. It makes the technology almost understandable and sooo analog. I can change the song and elapsed duration of the album with my own finger rather than clicking with a mouse. It's exciting. On top of this the huge artwork is awesome. Definitely a wall decoration. My summer has been pretty much that.

I work. I save up money.

I buy small things.

Hang out with my girlfriend.

And now I am home for two weeks, giving up the rest of my summer earnings to pay off my computer.

I wish so badly that i had an awesome camera. It just isn't fun to use the little white hd one.

-August

YbabLilknigRoncnius

2010-04-25T18:39:00.000-07:00

I have such a craving for making anything! I need to make videos! I need to make something. This being computerless is killing me. I have work to do. I need to get this paper done and then I can moap about how long it will be before I earn a new Macbook. I'm closing in on it.

I've noticed the pattern of me fading from Youtube. It seems like there are larger gaps between each video. There's less effort put into each one. No, not less effort. Its less care. Less excitement.

I used to think of my channel as this awesome creation that I was building up and up and up. After the partner explosion, I realized that I am below...far below 13 year old kids. The hope of being featured died and now all that's left is my love for making my subscribers laugh. The ratio of views to subscribers is depressing though.

Now I feel more like this channel is mine. It holds no potential, no value other than the memories that it contains. I want to abuse this channel, bend it and wrench it in whatever direction I want. It should be spontaneous. Some few people still watch, expecting greatness, and perfection, but I am just hoping that they can live with what it turns into this summer.

I will be in cleveland living with one person, working 20 hours per week. That's it. Oh and of course some time will be spent on my girlfriend. I will be sooo free. I'm sure my girlfriend would make a great addition to the videos. One of the reasons I like her so much is that she is as funny as me.

We'll see what happens over the summer.
Wait for it, and experience it with me. If you are still following me, and enjoy videos I make, I'm really psyched to show you some out of control creations.
BAHHHH I CAN'T WAIT.
-A

THIS is why I've been dead.

2010-04-16T21:48:00.001-07:00

So, a while ago my Macbook was acquainted with a liquid and soon after died. I did some extensive canoodling and being an Electrical Engineer with my Computer Scientist roommate, we took my computer apart. It was horrifying. My baby sitting there, without its shell, exposed. The inside of a Macbook is a lot simpler than I assumed. I do not know a lot about computers at this point, but I understand what the logic board does somewhat and the RAM, the hard drive, the airport card, the speakers. We took everything out and scrubbed the corrosion off of the boards with alcohol soaked toothbrushes. Everything cleared up, the alcohol evaporated, and the stench was cleared by some odor eliminating spray. I brought it to the Apple store, used my warranty and a week later was called to be notified that the water damage in the lcd screen would cost 700 bucks. The LCD, the only part we assumed was fine. Oh well. I have no computer. No editing software. I am selling the water damaged computer online. People pay big bucks for water damaged macs. Weird. My life has been fast paced and I just have assignment after assignment, this semester has been incredibly difficult and I love circuits. I have a girlfriend. She is cuter, smarter, funnier, and cuter than any girl I have ever met. It's weird, to find out that you can like someone who likes you just as much back. Hah. Never would have guessed in my past experience with human beings. I like this. This point in time is wonderful, minus the mass of stress pouring over me from finals. Damn finals looming over me. I cannot wait until summer. Living in Little Italy. I'm going to have a thousand dollars sometime in may hopefully so I'll be able to express myself again via video/blog/facebook status.
Goodbye.
Thanksforreadingthisuselesspost.
-A

THIS IS TRUE BECAUSE IT IS IN A BLOG

2010-03-05T20:23:00.000-08:00

So earlier today, I went to strosacker and did heroine, then I decided to take a shit all over the floor. It was hilarious. I then proceeded to wipe my shit all over the buildings. This was shortly followed by me chugging a whole case of pabst blue ribbon. Lastly I created a remote controlled rocket that shot up and destroyed all of campus. what a crazy fucking day right?! RIGHT?!
-August

Precalculated?

2010-03-02T10:51:00.000-08:00

First of all, look at this. Apparently this is a place to have sex with your dog. (Picture actually taken by me, not found via internet).

Anyway. I am a very confused person. I felt like I finally had my head on straight, and stopped chasing random girls. Now this random girl wanders into my life. She is freaking cute as hell, and she is hilarious. I feel like we have the same humor. I like the way she adds sarcasm into things in almost the same way as me. She smells nice. She is perfect. Bah do I take the next step? What is the next step? I think about her all the time now. And as any male would do, I probably want to hangout with her too much. She likes me, maybe more than I like her, but she is a girl, and so from experience I know that girls generally like to hangout much less. I just don't want to scare her away. So I've been trying to bite my tongue when an urge to hangout a third day in a row arises. My precalculated charm would have soon run low. Wow. Precalculated is not recognized? I'm enjoying my time, taking it slow. Savoring the week (even though it's freaking midterms week). Gah, I know I should just let things happen, but what do I do when I can't stop thinking about it?
Study.
-August

Sunshine is Spreading Across Cleveland

2010-02-18T10:11:00.000-08:00

So today, I did well on my logic design midterm. I can basically tell you how computer chips work (combining my knowledge of logic design and circuits). I played MASH last night, and it said I was going to be an Electrical Engineer. So there, it's decided. I guess...that also means that I am going to drive a Ronald McDonald shoe with a pet beaver, but whatever. I'm in a good mood right now. People don't mention it often enough when they are happy. I am happy. I've still got a ton of stuff to catch up on, but I'm happy. I am about to go on what some could consider a date, with an asian girl. I don't. I'm just saying that we are about to walk across campus together to eat at a diner. MEAL SWIPES. We will use meal swipes. I am not paying for her, so it's not a date. Just friends, like every other girl in the world. Sometimes I wonder who reads this without mentioning it. Does my Ex-girlfriend still peek at it every now and then because this is the only way she can see me after I blocked her on every online application? I don't actually care, that's how I know I'm over it.
I don't have Facebook.
I gave it up for one week. Which may turn into more time, because I am sort of enjoying the time left to do other things. It hardly bugs me, and I don't spend countless time staring at a "newsfeed". You should also delete your Facebook. It's not too hard. Try it, it's a breath of fresh air.
-August

Honest Question.

2010-02-10T18:57:00.000-08:00

Is a lonely heart better than a broken heart?
Or rather, is the entire experience of a broken heart, from start to finish, better than the ongoing existence of loneliness?

Personally, I like my ups and downs.

The grass looks greener.

-August

Just Write It Out Buddy.

2010-02-09T22:33:00.000-08:00

College is stressful. There is soooo much work at Case.

I had a dream.
It's like this.
There is a girl Kitteh. There is also a Parrot. There is also a male Cat. There are various other animals. They all stare at the parrot. They all pay attention to the parrot. He just repeats things he has heard all day. He repeats things the kitty says and things the other animals say, but the Cat says nothing. It doesn't want the parrot to keep talking. The parrot is fucking annoying as hell. The Cat realizes that everyone else is amused, and that they will keep talking, hence the parrot will keep repeating and flashing his colors. The Cat decides it's better to leave the forest and live alone. In a well. Oh well. Maybe the Hen will join. The well is just easier for the Cat and the Handa.

By the by, I didn't really dream that.
I just made it up. In two seconds. Because I'm damn frustrated with Parrots right now.

Bye
-August

Strand of thoughts.

2010-02-07T13:47:00.000-08:00

Last night, I told a girl that I liked her. I know what you're thinking. Who cares, that's so high school of me right? I can't help it, I recently, through a series of events realized that I don't have it in me to be with a girl that i'm not dating. Even if it does take some effort, i just can't escape this want for a relationship of some sort. Maybe we are not about to date, maybe we are. All I know is that getting let down easily is just as bad as being told that you suck, because in the end, it means you just aren't good enough. I'm sort of just scrawling through all of these thoughts. Eh, best friend or girlfriend, I'll take her as either.
-August

The potential dangers of public restrooms.

2010-02-02T10:44:00.000-08:00

So the other day, I went to the bathroom and as I sat on the seat, I read this on the wall.

Luckily, I had already prepared, I even stood up and proudly took a picture of my caution.

Thank God for my fear of bare public toilet seats. Oh, and I also saw this on the back wall.

-August

It's a spiral.

2010-01-24T15:36:00.000-08:00

A downward slowmoving spiral that sucks you in. And then for some. It stops. It loses it's grasp on my near numbed ankle. It drops me into the infinite void, I fall, in no particular direction. To the stars.

-August

Moving on.

2010-01-18T21:31:00.000-08:00

Here I am, posting for maybe the sixth time this month. I guess I've got a lot of empty moments. lonely gaps of time. I love having the opportunity to experience college fully. I can experience everything in college with nothing holding me back, no ties to the outside, no girlfriend holding me down. Don't get me wrong I loved having a girlfriend. If my ex read this she would probably be upset by it. Yes a small thing like what I just said. That is the reason that it is good to be single. Who is upset by what I say? I DON'T CARE!

Good thing. If I never escaped such a life, I would regret later on in life so badly. One thing that I have decided for sure is that I want to move across the the ocean when I graduate. I want to explore and freefall through life for a year or two, or however long it lasts. Then, I will come back to earth and get a solid job and finish paying off my loans. I am very realistic about this. Italy. And London. Maybe Paris. I want to explore. I need to know that where I am living is not any better than everywhere else.

I've also been talking to a lot of different girls. Not too much, but over the past week I have probably introduced myself to four or five. Still, there is just that one girl that turns my stomach to jelly when I see her. I like that feeling. Longing to hangout with her. Ughhhh I asked her to. Mostly I am scared that she finds me disgusting and maybe she wants nothing to do with me. Maybe she is disgusted by me. There's no way for me to find out. Well...maybe there is. I'd rather not know if that is the case. I shall remain infatuated with her until the teenage longing wears off. I love the feeling, I've mentioned it before. Simply amorous. Completely in love with someone that I don't know. Haha, I know I am not, and I know I don't, but it's fun to imagine that she means something to me. I'll settle for a crush. Eh, maybe we will seriously hangout for once when we get freetime.

No. Idea.

-August

Ok, so I am done putting up these stories.

2010-01-14T21:30:00.000-08:00

I hope you guys have has enough time to read each of the ones you wanted to read, I am mostly happy to put up these stories, so I can put them to rest, you know, stop thinking about someday finishing them. They're dead, and so will be all longer term projects until the day I graduate.
but anyway, HERE you go.

-August

These days are my days. Mine.

2010-01-12T18:54:00.000-08:00

I am failing hardcore. I noticed that a freshmen girl added me, so I asked her why. She said she found my YouTube. I noticed that she was pretty cute, so I chatted with her a bit, with hopes to gain enough confidence enough to ask her to hangout. She sort of wasn't talking much. I don't know if she was nervous, or just not into me. I didn't think you could get shot down in such a way. I mean I assumed that she thought I was cute or funny or both, otherwise she wouldn't have added me. Right? So after a short conversation she told me she had to go play guitar hero. I feel so lame. I am freaking nervous to ask a girl to hangout. Not nervous, straight out scared. I just enjoy flirting with or even talking to and meeting girls. So does everyone, but now that relationships are out the window for me, I don't really have much else with girls. So flirting and meeting it is. Bah, she is signing on again. I wish I just had a class with her, it would be so easy to sit there and have casual conversation.
Case has, almost literally, no attractive girls. I was told that they will come to me, but I have yet to see any hot babes clamoring for me.

Either way, this is wayyyy better than a shitty relationship, even if I accomplish nothing towards any girls.

Easy, responsibility-less...just enjoyable.

-August

P.S. Check out the second old unfinished story: HERE

I had a dream.

2010-01-06T10:09:00.000-08:00

I know there have been quite a few posts of stories or longed entries, but I couldn't let this dream drift out of my memory. I had to post it.

HERE IT IS

-August

First Embarassing Unreleased work...

2010-01-04T17:31:00.000-08:00

It was unreleased for a reason haha...

HERE

Half Done?

2010-01-03T21:34:00.000-08:00

The most wonderful thing about writing is that I can just throw something together, and feel accomplished. I don't have to be judged by anyone. For all I know, my only readers are my family, Katie B., Billie Marie, and an older man named Greg. If I want to, I can go forth and enter a contest at my college (which I won by the way. I know you can't see me, but I am proceeding to repeatedly raise my eyebrows.) But most of the time, I just get this urge. It's sort of like the craving that you get when you see the cotton candy vender with what you know must be warm, fluffy, delicious cotton candy. Sometimes I have time to write, and other times I don't. I usually do it either way. Now I am sitting here with a craving to put something fictional together once again. It's too soon. I feel like I will end up writing the same story a million times with different characters if I don't give myself at least a week in between stories. Who knows? I am a very amateur writer in the sense that I can't take criticism. I totally understand that some people may want to help me become a better writer, but my writing is something that I do for myself. My stories, the ones that I haven't put up...unfinished. Those are the ones that I want criticism on. I'm just too chicken to upload them. It's like when I want to write something that's more than just a regular post or practice, I feel like it has to be perfect before anyone reads it. I store them away, half done, and move on with life, not really caring. I am wondering if it would be worth it to upload them. I mean, I wrote them until I was content with my amount of output of thoughts onto paper. When I got to the point of relieving my cravings multiple times, I abandoned them. Since I'm perfectly content with never finishing any of them, I'm sort of thinking of putting my...let's see two half stories, and one basically full story on my blog. Maybe this post is getting too long because while I am debating this with my self, I am about ready to

New Short

2010-01-01T21:26:00.000-08:00

I sort of wrote a little something. It's lame, and un proofread, as of January first, but go ahead and check it out.
-August

Just me complaining.

2009-12-17T23:02:00.000-08:00

Dec-18-09 2 AM

Wow. This breaking up feeling sucks. Not like in highschool, not the stinging thoughts rushing through my head, more like an intense headache that won't freaking go away. I usually would not be one to complain to you. Not to the reader, its not the uplifting humor that you've been waiting for. It's plain old melancholy me. Christmas break started yesterday, right before my single life. I planned it, I told her. It was short and final. We talked in person after all the phone chat to make certain that there was a real understanding of the break. I shouldn't even be telling you this but it hurts. Its just pressing on me. I just wanted her to learn from me, to take her mistakes and learn. I just want to make her happy, force her into optimism. I could handle her attitude before because I would brighten up her day, this entire semester has felt like I am the one who completely ruins it. I've been through some things that I believe are unnecessary. No one should ever be lied to by the only person that they fully trust. You guys don't want to hear this. I could get really graphic, and explain the visions that I can't get out of my head, but I've been trying to flush them out, so it would be counter productive to relay them to you. I'm done, if ever I need to complain again, this is designated as the complaining post, I'll just edit and add, until there is a giant huge novel of melancholy feelings. Better here than in my head, right?

-A

DEC-25-2009 1:56am

Update: I'm over it. NO. No...no, I am getting over it. With tons of help from my friends. For one, pretty much all of them are willing to listen to whatever I have to say, without hesitation. Mostly my female friend, let's call her Alaska. I just get this comforting vibe from her. She was cheated on about the same time as me. Only, she wasn't told, she sort of found out through the grapevine...which sucks the worst. I absolutely love to be able to describe a feeling about the situation and hear her respond with "EXACTLY!". There is no comparison to the feeling I get when someone understands exactly what I have been through. It definitely helps me clear my mind. I spent so much time and energy trying to have my ex girlfriend understand how i felt... and failed, so it's just really nice to have a friend here now, probably the only person I know that can relate to me. :/

Another unnecesarily late night.

2009-12-06T22:01:00.000-08:00

One: I forgot my PJs at home.
Two: Finals

So at Case Western Reserve University, finals are not a time of panic and rush, they are rather a time for realizing that there is no way you are going to pass tests followed by repeatedly rifling through stacks and stacks of chicken scratch that we engineers consider notes. To go along with this giant brick of stress, I have recently been released to the single life. For how long? Who knows. Me? nope.

Anyway, while getting over the initial mental breakdown, I decided that the thick heavy feeling over my body was loneliness. Loneliness as any fool knows is easily cured by company. So i spent time with my friends and decided to chat with the girl who once added me on facebook to tell me that she found my wallet. She is cute, although I don't have much interest in her currently, seeing as I don't know her...at all. She found my wallet [which at the time contained a single ninja star, that's another story] and so I felt that I should mention that as an icebreaker, but I sort of hate to get to know people through anything other than talking, so I told her about my love/hate relationship with Christmas lights, asked her questions about herself randomly in between conversations, and my loneliness started to drain off of me. I hadn't noticed until I looked up at the room around me that I had actually been enjoying an internet chat, not too much, but enough to take my mind off of everything. So I mentioned that I felt like watching a movie, with the intention of inviting her to hang out with me some time and watch a movie directly after she responded with "me too". She told me that she would totally want to watch a movie.

I soon discovered that she had a boyfriend and was upset by the news, and even more so that she would want to watch a movie with me while she has a boyfriend. I mean, is every girl in the world like this? I do not ever want to participate in anything that could remotely turn into cheating on anyone's part. I didn't before, and I especially don't want to now.

I am trying to look at this whole single situation as a chance to explore the world. Do I want to be in a relationship? Or does Chelsea have the right idea. Plus I want to see if i can still get girls like I used to. Me and Chris may have a phone number getting contest. Who can get the most numbers, that's it. Maybe I will be lucky enough to get all 7!

ok lame.

I stole that joke from Fresh Prince.

Goodnight

-August

En Mi Boca?

2009-11-28T13:05:00.000-08:00

So being home, I had some spare time, and although I do not have class, a lack of sleep. I mostly played video games, downloaded demos and stayed up way past my bedtime. Black Friday happened. It was on Friday. People actually get up and go shopping at 4 A.M. We decided that we would go to Crocker park, which is like an outside shopping mall modeled to feel like a small town. Fancy. Anyway, expecting a mass rush, Andrew, Patrick, and I went Black Friday shopping at 6 A.M. We thought that maybe we would get there in time for great deals, but late enough that we won't get trampled to death by crazed adults. There was actually a ton of snow, the first snow in fact. When we got there, we definitely did not get trampled. The store in Crocker actually don't open until around 9. So Urban outfitters opened early and we went in there, I got a sweet present for my room mate for only 10 bucks, which would normally be 60! Anyway, we waited and waited for H&M to open, went into Gamestop, and had some expensive starbucks. I got some pretty sweet Pjs at H&M:

When we got back, it was only 10, so we spent a long, long day creating beautiful music. In reality, we were messing around with instruments until we decided that we would be better off making a funny song. Since we have all been talking spanish for the fun of it, we decided that it would be funny for the song to be an almost nonsensical song about needing poop in our mouths entirely en espanol.

We did a single run through with all instruments, hardly knowing what to play, mostly on the fly, and the recording turned out damn good for such a mash-up of noise. We then put together the extremely simplistic lyrics consisting first of wanting poop, then needing poop, and finally having poop in our mouths and between our toes. Gross. I know. But we are american nearly teenage boys with nothing better to do over thanksgiving break than make the most amazing comedic work of art.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4EAvPcMbc4

If you want the song on your computer, download it from the info in the side of the video page.

-August

By the way, when you wake up at 5:30, and go to sleep at 1:30 the day seems like it never ends!

Humans Are Slimy

2009-11-18T23:26:00.000-08:00

I was just up late again, unable to sleep due to my pointless thinking. I have to get up at 7:30 for physics lab...can't wait. Anyway, To the point. I was thinking about how my dad once told me to put a circuit board down for the computer. He said it would ruin it if I touched it. I thought that this was silly at the time, but I knew nothing about circuits and could not have known if it was true or not. So i believed him. Now, I am in bed, thinking of why this might be true. It could be that the oils in our fingers would smear and complete some circuitry...which could in turn make the whole chip useless. [I could, at this point, google it, but I don't need to know, I just enjoy thinking, and wanted to share this with you.] I thought about it, is there really enough oil to come off and connect routes in the circuit? Is the oil in our skin even a conductor? Well probably a semi-conductor. And so I thought, relative to us, worms feel slimy. What about something less slimy than us? Something dry. Would robots think that we are slimy? Will robots one day form a prejudice against slimy humans? Will they say, "ewww it feels slimy!" followed by the next one telling it "No, it's just the texture of the skin, there isn't actually any slime." As we refer to snakes.

I want to make a robot.

Sleep, please. Please body, sleep for me.
I have work to do. I have projects to finish, and tests.
I have video games to tend to, and friends.
I have friends.
Never forget.
You have friends.
Everyone does.
No matter if they are the ones that I am imagining right now due to hallucinations.
Or some other form.
If you don't love people, how can you ever sleep.
I couldn't.
I can only sleep because I have people all around me that love me.
I should sleep. I'm hardly making full sense.
Goodnight moon.

-August

The Trees

2009-11-11T22:58:00.000-08:00

I have a calc test in the morning, and I cannot sleep, and I am still experiencing the heavy focus of my entire study day, so I wrote you a short story.

http://augustlovesbabies.blogspot.com/2009/11/three-trees.html

I hope you love it. If you haven't noticed, I hate littering my blog with long posts, so I dump stories in my short story account. Sorry for littering the internet!
-August

PS!
[I found this add-on for firefox that helps my livefeeds actually work, and stay updated! add it if you have live feed bookmarks that have not been auto updating!

https://addons.mozilla.org/en-US/firefox/addon/2499 ]

Such an intense dream.

2009-10-25T18:56:00.000-07:00

I had the strangest dream, and I literally cannot rest until I at least drag you through a portion of it. I just cannot get back to my life until I dump this on you. Yes, when you read this, I will be able to continue with my life without the oddly strong feelings in my dream.

When I went to bed last night I realized that my sheets and PJs smelled like Chelsea. She washed her clothes, I washed my sheets and pillowcases and PJs. We just washed everything with her detergent so I guess that is why it smelled like her. Anyway so I was up until 2 doing Spanish homework, which is only because I was up until 12:30 doing my statics homework. I know, great Saturday night, right? So knowing that I have a lot of calculus homework the next day usually gets me stressed, and getting stressed leads me to take refuge in my last resort, deep sleep. I guess I do have deeper, more complex, realistic dreams when I am stressed. Anyway, I enjoy dreams. I love nightmares. I will usually try as hard as I can to launch myself straight back into a dream when I wake up. As hard as I try it's pretty freaking hard to stay in the same dream at 11:00 while living with practically 7 other hungry, awake college students.

The dream, I should tell you about the dream and why it haunts me. It starts out in front of a large large house. Or on the street, or in my apartment (which I do not own in real life by the way). I do not exactly remember at this point, but I do remember the Spanish Final that was set for a few hours from this current dream time. I am studying, and so I fade into a desk in a room. I am studying physics and statics and calculus and Spanish. Spanish is the most important right now though. So I my book in my bag and close the others in my desk. I make my way out of the building with ghost like floating. I am walking, but as always, the ground is moving a lot slower beneath me than my feet are trudging. I notice the large garden with hedges trimmed high around it like a gate, and an older woman in a long skirt and a grey bun of hair. She points to the class. As always, there are the most studious of students sitting at their desks hours before the test, reading. Reading Spanish? You cannot learn from reading, you have to speak it, write it, understand it, hear it! Do these kids just live at the school? They must read a lot if they can learn from it. They must live in the garden. I move to the seat which is designated for me and notice a girl standing up and moving toward the professor. I decide to talk to her, and so I set my bag on the back of my chair and walk toward her in hopes that I will have a chat with her after the woman. She completely passes the professor and so I, already waiting next to her, just nod my head, and tell her that I will be back before the test. I follow the girl, first back down the same street, and then down a few new ones. I did not try to catch up, but I did want to get her attention. She was slightly darker than me, Italian maybe, but very very pretty. A natural beauty, not enhanced by makeup and stuff. She looked, from what I remember thinking in my dream mind, perfect. (I do not know why this appealed to me so much, I usually do not even have a favor towards darker skinned girls) I followed the girl to her house, and she turned around and we introduced ourselves, I felt a rush of warmth and standing neck hairs. I became infatuated with her, and we became friends. We went to her back yard to hangout and after a while her parents and sister arrived home. She was the same age as me, but her sister was a few years older. When I went to greet her father, he had nothing to say, and her sister literally walked right through me. I then went to greet her mother, which I felt was somewhat like a game. I said hello, nice to meet, and for some reason she rejected it, and threw her hands in the air. I ran after her, trying over and over. "Nice to meet you!", but she did not want to hear it at all. She told her daughter that she did not want me to associate with her until I introduce myself to the family. I wanted so badly to get to know this girl. In my dream, I knew her name, and I feel like now, the name was not an english name, nor a spoken name. It was more of a feeling, or a symbol. I do not completely understand what this girl was to represent, but I want it sooo badly. The pull for her felt as strong as the strongest sixth grade crush. I yearned to hold her hand, or talk to her or kiss her or even just sit next to her and experience something together with one of our 5 senses. The sky, a movie, a cake, a creation of art, that we could both put a bit of effort into. It would be beautiful. At first I just stood in the yard, longing, for hours that she would come out and let me into the house. Then I remembered my test. I showed up, and realized that it was long over, and I went home, not so much caring. I then saw her come to the garden, so I sat in my seat. She sat down and as we began to bond, I woke up. I instantly tried to sleep longer because of the happy feeling in my chest and mind. I knew though that it was not real. I did want to find what would make me this happy though. Lately all that has come to me is work and other events that are just depressing. Seriously with the work load I have, I cannot wait until this semester ends. I feel like the girl was my freedom. Freedom to sleep in, to lounge, to trust someone with a clean slate. I guess I should find something that makes me happy, no matter if it takes time or not. :)

See, blogging is good for something, it helps me think through things and come out with a proper plan of action!

Plan: find something that makes me happy, regardless of cost, and time consumption!

-August
(by the way, I am too lazy to proof read, so if there are errors, assume that they are born of my sloth.)

Cheerios

2009-09-21T09:46:00.000-07:00

Today I went to Fribley, the south side dining hall. Same food, better atmosphere. Plus I don't here entire albums by Shaggy all day. I cannot really force myself to eat a full meal currently. Paying 10 dollars per meal, I chose a bowl of Cheerios. Not honey nut Cheerios, and not frosted, not anything. Plain Cheerios.
Have you ever seen a bowl of plain Cheerios. So plain. I like it. Atleast they will not change. No new shapes, no new ingredients to change the taste. Bland flavor. No flavor. I like the emptiness of it. Milk. Water. I spent 10 dollars on a small bowl of Cheerios. The Cheerios will never hurt me though, I am going to be fine. I wish life was always so simple. Pick something that seems harmless and it is. You can cook meat and its safe. You can brush your teeth with toothpaste and know that they wont slowly decay over night. You can clip your fingernails so short that they can't possibly scratch. No matter what, there is nothing you can do with people. People are unpredictable, and no matter how many precautions are taken and no matter how safe someone seems, theres never a for sure way of knowing how a person feels, and what they are doing behind your back. People get stabbed in the back every day. Its normal. We get over it. Not this time.
From now on I think i'll stick with Cheerios.
Atleast until I can stomach something a bit more dangerous.

For real though. I ate calamari a week ago.
Weird. Tasted like shrimp.

MY FEEDS AREN'T WORKING

2009-09-01T15:33:00.000-07:00

You don't even know how much it helps to have a live feed subscription to blogs.
The subscribe to atom thing?
Yes it helps. For some reason since I updated to the newest version of Firefox, my subscriptions have not been updating. This is a pain, seeing as how I am lazy, and I hate checking sites manually. Ugh, I wish to fix this, but for now, let me fill you in on my current campus life.
I live in a suite with five others. Well no, i'd say six others. Curt is here more than I am. I have not gone home yet(One week down!). I want to absorb my college experience and actually do stuff on the weekends with my roommates. It is sort of hard to keep up with internet things when you have something to really do ALL the time. I have plenty of hilarious footage saved from summer, and I will release them as videos when I haven't put anything out.
I want you all to meet, and feel acquainted with all of my friends.
I'll use my camera more this year. I have Physics II homework as well as CalcIV and EMAE 250.

Story time.
Lab. EMAE 250. Bored, computer programming, lazy teacher. Everyone is silent, pretending t work, waiting for the professor to reveal his method for the next step in the Gaussian elimination program we were creating. I am new to C++ and he assumes we all know the syntax. I do not. I struggle, try to take what I know from my semester of basic Java and mix it. It's working pretty well until "NYAH NYAH NYAH NYAH!" I hear a guy yelling from on the other side of Drew. Seriously? This guy is this sick of Lab that he is yelling in frustration about it? His arm starts to twitch. I roll back in my office chair. Drew does the same. The guy drops to the floor and start flailing. Some guy runs in the room yelling "roll him on his side!" Drew rolls him as I scoot further back. He siezed for about 3 minutes as I watched him. I was frightened, and wondering how it would feel. Losing control of your muscles in front of everyone. Does it feel like a loss of pride somehow? The guy sat up. The professor asks him if he knows where he is. He does not. The professor says he is still coming out of it. I continue to stay back while they let him recuperate. Everyone is staring. I begin to think about the episode of pokemon that, when originally released in Japan, had to fast of color change when Pikachu used thundershock and gave thousands of kids seizures. I thought about how I had laughed at that fact. Was this not something to laugh at? If not, why? I was laughing inside, and wondering what makes something like this funny. There is obviously nothing funny about it. But for some reason, even in the tense air of the lab I couldn't help from thinking that something about this would make me laugh later. Maybe seizures are funny, maybe not, I honestly do not know at this point, but what I do know is that being attractive helps humor as does a good set of smiling teeth. Of course there are other methods, but I think if i were to bust in your room and tell you this story with a smile you would laugh a lot quicker than you would if I told you with a somber expression. Right?
Same information, relayed in a different tone, with completely opposite reactions.
Enough thinking about NOT HOMEWORK. I need to do mine.
-August

I'm not afraid of the dark, I swear.

2009-08-12T21:23:00.000-07:00

Here I lay, or rather sit on my bed. My kitty, Princess, is sitting on my bed. Giving the wall behind me a sort of death glare. She is not actually angry at the wall. She just looks like she is pissed off at the world and the only thing she can do to prevent herself from exploding is to stare hard at my headboard. Now Princess is actually the mother of Steamer. (I know what you're thinking, Steamer's mother survived birth!? Moreover, she is small enough to fit on your double bed?!)

Yes Princess is tiny, petite, agile, calico, and perfectly colorful. She is the prettiest cat, and the most loyal creature I have ever met. I sometimes pet her cheeks and scratch under her chin until we both fall asleep, and then I eventually wake up in the middle of the night only to flail my arms straight onto her, causing her to shoot out the door.

She is curling up now.

It's sort of late. I will miss Princess.

Without my kitty sleeping here every night I will feel so isolated in my tiny four cubic foot box of a room. Yes, I know, that was far too exaggerated. Maybe I will prop my door open so that I can sit up and wave at Chris to reassure myself that I am not the only living thing in the room. No I definitely do not trust Chris. I will be either playing pranks with him all year, or I will have pranks played on me. I choose the less paranoid one.

You don't want to read so much, I know you. We are like family, and ever since we were little you never wanted to read this much. It is ok!

OK I SAY.

Why?

Because I am done.

Done?

Done with this post.

-August

How to disarm a cat (and fight it!)

2009-07-23T16:39:00.000-07:00

CLICK TO ENLARGE!haha I hope you love my photoshoping...i mean real picture of me and my cat fighting.
It's an advertisement for the new video!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ome9j83tCk

A bit of an MMA-How-to Spoof!

-August

Boston Yummy Tea Party

2009-07-21T19:05:00.000-07:00

Courtney(sister) came up to me a few days ago with this comic sketched on paper. I found it hilarious so I colored it for you guys. Click it to read it as a full page thing. :)
I then proceeded to give her my copy of "Understanding Comics" which is awesome, and she will read it eventually...she will.

-A

Long Blog...No really.

2009-06-27T09:13:00.000-07:00

I was just looking at my info section on Facebook, its a routine for me, and I was changing all of the info I put in before because I hate what I typed previously. I actually set my relationship status to married, I hate when people do things like that. When a girl instant messaged me on Facebook the other day, I realized that I had not known who she was when I accepted her friend request, so I asked her who are you, and since my connection was crappy, I just signed off. In the morning, I recieved this message:

hi... we spoke last night... you are working today... i dont have a job so yey for you.... anyway i added you 2 weeks ago only because Melissa, my mate from Chester England found you online. She visited me in Canada and showed me your youtube vlog, and you have quite the following. I told my best friend who works for Askmen.com and they have watched you as well (like the whole office, they all know who you are!)... It might sound retarded but people are watching you. You have a billion friends on here so I guess you know this.

You are good with the camera. Youre fucking halarious! More vids!

Anyway I added you because I wanted to not forget babies killing unicons... if that what it was. My name is Echo Bailey and Im a French girl in Canada. I love english. So now you know who I am and why.

I assumed that my 1000 subscribers were just kids clicking the subscribe button for the mere thrill of punching yellow(or orange?) buttons. I thought my following was dwindling to only the viewers who have become close enough to call friends. I never realized that some of those people who give my videos up to 600 views per day were actually maybe watching the videos. Maybe people are laughing. Maybe I can still make people laugh. I want to make videos. I love all of this...writing and reading and hanging out with human beings, but nothing is as satisfying as having someone come up to me at an event and say excitedly "Hey! You are Andrew! Or wait...you are Augie?" At which point I smile, and just soak in the feeling of accomplishment. I'm never finished, I will always make YouTube videos, and maybe they will come in lesser quantity at times, or occasionally they will come in lesser quality...when I want to try something new usually. I just don't want to drift away from my original genre like my favorite channels did. TheWineKone, Smosh. I will still watch them...if i have time, but I would never want to lose my touch. I've heard my own jokes so many times that I can't even tell which ones are funny anymore.
Anyway, so I was thinking, this French Canadian girl, she probably feels like she knows me, in the same way that I feel like I know TheWineKone, from watching him. Now she scans my info and finds that I am a twilight fan, and that I have Motion City at the top of my favorite music selection. (I am sorry Justin, but with Even If It Kills Me, well, lets just say...it killed me...). What am I supposed to put in the About Me section?! I am supposed to be telling, in a tiny little box, about myself. This may be the only section a person reads before thier pre-first impression is completed. Yes I just made that up...pre-first impressions are nearly important as first impressions. Ok, stopping myself before I ramble about things that I think you want to hear about when you obviously do not. I don't like technology for hasty communication with other people, I hate texting, and I HATE instant messenger for conversations, but we are all hypocrits, so I will occasionally turn on my IM. As for Facebook's About Me section...About Me? I don't know who I am, nor who I am going to be. How am I supposed to convey my own self image to other people without sounding either cocky or self loathing. I would rather just not. I wish the solution was to just mass delete everyone's Facebooks, then we could go make water balloons in the sun...instead of chatting...

Too long.
- August

Haven't Blarged in a while, eh?

2009-06-11T13:51:00.000-07:00

I suppose I have been busy. Xbox(es) and such are not the only thing that I have been occupying myself with. I went to a fancy cigar shop yesterday with my friends Cailin and Patrick (Who is freshly 18 by the way) and bought some cigars. Cailin, being the female that she is, bought flavored little cigarillos and Patrick, being the man that he is, bought a fat manly cigar. I bought one that was probably too strong, seeing as how it burned my throat sin inhaling. I am having fun hanging out with my old friends more so than i expected. I miss them. I miss the patricks and Cailin.
Also seeing as how only a select few of the people I see regularly in person read this, i suppose i could show you this song that i wrote. It's always pretty embarrassing to share my attempt at serious works.

My Favorite Memories

you can even download it if you can figure it out?

-August

Case left my mind whirring.

2009-05-29T22:46:00.000-07:00

Summer is already ripping through my life. Almost a month has passed and I am still sleeping in until noon. I have been reading Alice in Wonderland on Chelsea's Amazon Kindle because I like free stuff. Its actually very...out of the way. I love reading anything about dreams. Just putting myself into someone else's dreams is the most interesting feeling to me. Its such a funny book too. You'd have to read it to understand.

I do not write in my blog to inform you of what books to read though...There's quite enough of that going around the Internet.

As a child I would always think that I knew everything. I thought I knew as much as my parents, if not more. I thought i knew as much as my teachers. Every child gets to that point, when they think that they are just smarter.

Shortly after I started this stage, I realized that all the adults that I thought were so level witted with me had graduated from highschool. I had not graduated from highschool. And so I understood that there is probably a lot of STUFF that I don't know.

I've heard that the more you know, the more that you realize you don't know. Well i have finally hit somewhat of a milestone. Its pretty heavy realizing that i will probably never even grasp many of the concepts that i wish i could explore. I would love to understand time travel and sociology. I would love to understand the meaning of infinity.

I think at this point I would rather just earn money as a tour guide at Case and lounge around my house all summer. (Oh Yeah, sweet tour guide job!)

I am tired, and this is probably not even worth reading. I made a video skit today, just for the heck of it. I hope it's funny.

:) I'm playing badminton tomorrow just for the heck of it.

Your Lover,

August

Finals, Finally.

2009-04-20T21:25:00.000-07:00

As time passes, opportunity sneaks out the back door. Opportunity to catch up with all of the work that has haunted me since day one. All of the work that has been stacking itself in front of me. All the knowledge I should already have. Where is it? It is not in my head I don't think. Wait. Wait... No. That was just a remnant from last semester. Never mind. I have accumulated as much Calculus three as possible and now have a week to figure it all out. I am Ritalin riddled and crashing. Tired, slouched, near asleep with these sounds. The sounds of my thoughts scattering involuntarily. If I had a pair of ear plugs. If I only had a pair to hold my thoughts in my head. If I had a plug to match the one I already have I could sleep without a pillow helmet and a blanket mask.

Next year will be glorious. My little box will seal all of my belongings safely away. I'll seal myself away at whatever hour I please. I will stay up late on nights that do not matter. I will watch movies and tell my dorm mates that I am doing homework when I am bored of socializing. Or I will just tell them that I am watching a movie... I want a fridge. A fridge full of Diet Coke and reused water bottles. I'll always have a squeezable bottle of grape jelly in the back as well as bread on top. I'll always have a stash of Doritos. I'll eat one a day like Charlie. Nah. Charlie can do what he want with chocolate. I will eat at least five chips an hour. six on weekends. I'll finish the bags when I'm cramming. coffee. I will make coffee. when I want coffee. And I will let it sit out when I'm satisfied with one cup. And I will throw away the cold coffee rather than pour it and microwave it (I always hated that). It's my coffee. My teeth will be rich with beige coloring.

This is my mind at 12:46 AM after a day full of paper writing/Poly Sci/Calc III/Physics.

I'm done for tonight.

-August

Zombies!

2009-04-05T14:04:00.000-07:00

If you have ever played splinter cell, or thought you were just really good at being sneaky, then you probably wanted to test your sneakiness out. Well, on campuses all over there is a game called Humans vs Zombies. We are in our second semester and therefore the second round. Its basically a game where everyone is a human except for three randomly selected zombies. Zombies tag humans and BAM! they become zombies. Humans use nerf guns, zombies use their hands, can't play in class or in buildings blah blah blah. Anyway if you want to know more about it, LOOK IT UP! Anyway as a zombie I sneak up on paranoid humans, which I am supprisingly good at. It is the most fun game, and it lasts for two weeks straight, 24/7! I'm so obsessed with getting kills, i wear my kill cards on my green headband that signifies my undead status. I want to stop telling you about this because there is so much to say, and I will bore you if I continue! I hide in the bushes by severance hall, right next to a ledge that drops into an alley. When suspecting (as opposed to unsuspecting) humans walk by the alley, they see nothing, and reasure themselves that the rear is safe. As they pass I silently drop into the alley and run full speed at thier backs. By the time they realize what just happened, they are saying, "Where the hell did you come from man!?" I love that, the ability to sneak. To come out of nowhere. It is the greatest game ever created by man, and now that I am addicted to brains, I am obviously trying to get you hooked as well. START IT AT YOUR COLLEGE! I happen to know that a college student named Katie B will read this, and Katie B, you better look into forcing your friends and random people that you do not know into playing this game! Or else I will eat your brains!

Humans vs Zombies website!

I have nothing more to say currently due to I have an art exhibit to visit and then write a horrible review on.
-August

Stupid Short Story Contest

2009-03-26T14:11:00.001-07:00

I entered a contest. T'was a short story contest on campus. Here's the link [ Green Balloon ] where I lump together all of my long text that I feel should not be posted here. It's my organizational side that forces me to do these silly things.

Hope you like my story :)
-August

Where I am.

2009-03-23T10:27:00.000-07:00

I am in the main lobby of the main building of the main section of campus. I am in a chair, quite a comfy chair! This chair is not alone. It's friends are neatly assembled in a table, chair pattern so that every sitter in the lobby has a flat surface to place his or he necessities.
Where I am is a room full of exhausted college students, some sleeping, such as the dark skinned man in front of me, slouched down so low into his seat that the back of the chair makes a headrest for him. We are separated by this table in front of me. Similarly I am one table away from the man on my left who is studying, and who has been for an hour or more!
Where I am is waiting for class; racquetball. I get up occasionally hoping that the noise of my leather cushion does not interrupt anyone too much. As I scarf down a bag of ruffles, acquired via meal-swipe, i read the plaque on the wall which announces that the wellbeing of this room is due to the donations of Mr. and Mrs. Ingalls! I start to wander off in my drifting mind, how much did they contribute to this room? Did they pay to have it built or did they pay for the furniture, or maybe all they did was throw money at the school and say, "Eh, just name a lobby after us or something, anything but a bathroom!" Who knows, who cares. I do, I care.
I care because if I am not caring, then I am stuck in the dark spot of my mind where all i can think about is how depressing all the homework I have is. Happiness resides, for me, in my forgetfulness. How ironic is it that that same forgetfullness is the very thing that spawned the gobbing and piling of my homework.
Oh well :)
-Aug

Mrs Character

2009-03-17T11:41:00.000-07:00

Ingalls Library,

I am here

I am researching. This is not fun. I sat through class today only to be embarrassed for not yet having a single source in my paper. Now i have collected the only text ever written in english about Charles Meynier. There is a book in french, but since i would not kidnap my room mate and force him to read the titles of each chapter to me against his will, I am stuck with the english excerpt which is not even about his greek mythology paintings.

When i entered this solitary setting i did not know how to go about asking for help, so i went to the desk and told the man that i was interested in a certain painting. He looked at me strangely as i held my bookbag, which was not even supposed to be allowed into the library in the first place. I told him i was researching a painting called "Polyhymnia, Muse Of Eloquence". He directed me to a table nearby where a student was studying all books associated with Meynier's paintings of Muses! As time escaped the lifeless room a woman came in. She was associated with the Cleveland Art Museum and Ingalls Library. I know this because she was using some card to get free copies made. She sure loved free copies. In fact she is less than three feet behind me reading her hundreds of pages of free copies. She is not about to turn around and I would not fear her if she did. She is not scary, in fact she is the most silly person i have seen in a while. She has been walking to the front desk, telling the librarian at the top of her lungs how wonderfully helpful each website ever made has ever been. She screams her thanks for each copy that is made. She is almost pitiful, as if she thinks that the librarian, herself, pays for each copy made for free and she wants to make sure that this librarian knows how much greater she is than mrs character. She is a smiley, slim middle aged blonde woman who would be an extremely annoying person to live with or even be taught by. This is not what i started this blog about though, I would not be writing you a second blog in two days unless i had something enormously important to reveal to you. Ok, here is goes.

The woman went to get another copy, as she passed my table i heard a very distinct, very oily, and very loud, obnoxious PZZZTTffRff. I know, fart jokes, so low. But listen, it is not the fart that made me laugh, it was the embarrassment that this woman tried to hide. So awkward to type this merely two feet away from her. Our backs are practically touching and she occasionally turns; i can feel it. There she is making another copy. Anyway, continueing from the fart:

"No of course it would not be a librarian typing all that out..." Said the librarian to the very tensed woman. The woman looked down pretending to be very, very consumed with the page she was about to copy. "OH YES! THAT WOULD BE A LOT OF TYPING OR WRITING!" The woman yelled robotically, quickly in response to continue this post-awkward-silence-distraction.

Robotically is not a word?

She skittered over to the copy machine and kept her back turned toward the only to patrons to the library. The woman knew her crime...She knew she could not deny it...but she also knew that i was a timid looking boy, and so i was...i said nothing...aloud...hehehe.

I'm cruel for publishing this woman's embarrassment, i hope she somehow sees it someday.

-August

Spontanious Combustion

2009-03-16T16:21:00.000-07:00

FLOOWRSHWAHTSSS

That is the sound of a cat lighting on fire.

It is also the link to the new video. Is it AugustVsAndrew? It may be. Why is it on BabyKillingUnicorns? It clearly proclaims, at the beggining, "Last time, on AugustVsAndrew:" and then it clearly shows footage from the last video we made on AugustVsAndrew. Well back in the day, when we were in our prime we used to throw together up to two videos a day, and at one point we made pop-it and white pony both in one day. One with Jordan, while we were waiting for him to come over, and one when he arrived on the scene. So we were planning on doing the same thing, but by the time we finished Steamer's Funeral we were exhausted, it was my last day of break, It was dark, and we had stupid ideas. So we settled for just editing and hanging out, we also decided that it would be pointless to put it on AugustVsAndrew since most of my viewers are shared on both channels. Also the recent failure of a certain harddrive has led to the loss of all high quality versions of AugustVsAndrew videos. It sucks. For one, because we needed Magical Tree in this newest video. The darker mood of this new video may not be funny to our 99% 13 year old fan base, but to the viewers that i actually have conversations with or that i feel i have connected with, i believe they will all get the humor in the same way that Andrew and I created it. Did You Know: Steamer actually spontaniously burst into flames after we rose her from the dead once, it actually takes two slits on each wrist to complete a human blood sacrifice to raise an animal with the weight of Steamer.

I'm going on and on, without checking my flow, so rather than going back to edit this, i would rather you see into my ADD and just read what i typed, with no editing. Thanks for reading, i'll post something more worth reading when i finish it. :)

-August Rampage

P.S. If you have never seen a woman with biceps the size of mini-fridges, then you will be excited to see the next video in a few weeks. XD

So much for comminuty.

2009-03-05T10:52:00.000-08:00

Yes! It is spring break, and I am telling you this to inform you of my freedom. With my freedom from Engineering based classes comes hours of toiling and unguided boredom. Those two ingredients of my life are originally what produced the making of beautiful videos. I plan to use parts of spring break to make a video announcing the winner of the contest! What a treat, a used and expired bus pass with my picture on it! Oh, wait, i'm not famous enough for that to make anyone on this entire earth happy? Oh well, i shall send it through the mail to the winner and hope that they are not to disappointing or disgusted. So i also have a few video ideas for when spring break is over that i want to make with different friends of mine who have asked me if they could be in a video and who i believe have talent at making other people laugh.

Idea One: Lava Guide

Idea Two: Oh...wait, i think i forgot my idea, that was supposed to be the point of typing it out.

Despite my feeble attempts at making youtube my source of income, so that i do it more often and don't worry about getting a job, i have had no luck. I have made the same amount that people with real jobs make in a few hours. The whole ads on videos thing does not really work too well unless you are one of those psychopathic "Subscribe to me now, even if you will never watch my videos" kinda partners. The kind that cannot even make a person laugh, because their jokes suck so bad and the only reason that they have views and subscribers is because so many thirteen year old girls think that he is a cutie! I never want to be like that, if i start doing this for the money, please shoot me. The last thing i want is for my favorite hobby to turn into my job. Take all the money away YouTube, i do not need the filthy evil that has poisoned your website. That is all it is, a website. It used to be a community, but now all you can find is a bunch of money hungry children looking for ways to get clicks on their ads. Its a business now, nothing is free, if you subscribe to one person ten more people come to you asking you to subscribe to them also. So much pressure. It's like watching the local lake get drained so that a shitty strip mall can come in and offer the members of the town nothing but a new dentist, pilates, a "Dollar Tree" and a new Tax shop. YouTube, you have fallen so far. I will keep making videos, not for the site though, only for my friends, myself and to get rid of all the freaking AugustVsAndrew shirts that are hung neatly in the back of my closet. *cough* $9.99 side of page---> *cough*. :)

I'm not usually a ranty person, i hope i have not gone too far today, but all i have to say is, when i make videos, feel free to watch them.

-August
P.S.: I just read "The Anthem" by Ayn Rand. It's a short story, and it is so far away from the norm of writing at first, but eventually you understand why. The whole book made me laugh at my discoveries while reading and at the verifications mostly at the end and the character that was so innocent and clueless as to why his emotions told him to do anything. It gives off a very isolated feeling, it's wonderful. I marked up the one i read, but if you are bored of the Twilight series that every highschool student is telling you to read, here's a link to download it, Ayn Rand - The Anthem it's not too long...

P.S.S. : I am not usually into taking things without paying for them, but in this case, it is a short story written by a woman who is dead, it's not a big deal.

What the hell is ADD?

2009-02-25T16:10:00.000-08:00

Peanut butter and Jelly, the tastiest meal, especially when it comes free. Yes, that's right, I stole bread from my own Luetner. By Luetner i mean the cafeteria that i have to pay $11.00 per meal swipe for and am forced to buy 17 meals each week by. I sometimes use a meal swipe to sit down and eat a bowl of cereal, so i think i deserve that bread, those loaves. And probably that entire 6 gallon container of chocolate chip cookie dough that i also had to have. It was an exciting touch to my week to sprint out the door with a giant tub of ice cream partially concealed in the flaps of my winter jacket. I did not think it through, we do not have a freezer. We only have a fridge in the common floor kitchen. Wow, that ice cream was gone fast, everyone had some before it melted, I feel that since it would have been gone in Luetner in an hour, bringing it to my dorm was not even a morally bad decision, i mean i practically payed for it 500 times over.

But anyway, i am enjoying a delicious PB&J sandwich right now. What a nice day. After my hours of homework and lab i get to go see the "Battle Of the Bands" which consists of bands from my college competing for a chance to have a 40 minute opening set for the chosen band of our school. It could be Motion City, or Alkaline Trio, or Vampire Weekend, or if I am incredibly unlucky, HelloGoodbye. I'm just going because my friend Jeff is in it, and i know he would be pissed if i said this, but i am not planning on voting for him, i am planning on voting for which ever band is the best, if that happens to be Jeff, then i'll vote for him. I just do not like being told to vote for something directly. I did not even vote for the president. I think voting is stupid; I mean, why is my voice just as important as old people with dementia? Why do i go off on tangents?

Good bye XD

-August

Seminar Approach to General Education and Scholarship?

2009-02-17T08:50:00.000-08:00

More like Seminar Approach to sitting in class, blogging on paper.
It's ok; I do not do this often.

download the picture if you cannot see it well enough.
Or click to zoom.
-August

Superman Icecream

2009-02-09T19:31:00.000-08:00

When I was a young child I would occasionally get to enjoy icecream at the mall or at icecream shops. In California it was pretty common to see Superman Icecream in icecream shops. When i moved to Ohio there were absolutely no places that sold this particularly tasty treat. Now in the new millenium the taste of Ohio's residents must have changed, because Superman Icecream is actually in restaraunts and sold by icecream vendors. So to get to the point of this whole post, there was Icecream in our cafeteria, Luetner! We

never have any good icecream, and so when i saw this rarity I had no choice...i had to take it while it was there...at eight in the morning. I love Superman Icecream and it's bannana/blue moon/mystery red flavors :)

I hope that you were not too bored by this post. I like icecream.

Yes...that is Orange pop for breakfast as well.

-August

Inverted Song Of Time would be nice.

2009-02-03T20:17:00.000-08:00

If you think you want to go to college for engineering, you have made the wrong decision. Ok, it isn't that bad. I just have absolutely no time. The amount of time I have for recreation is the derivative of the amount I spend in class sleeping plus the integral of the amount of time i spend doing homework. If that does not make any sense at all to you then you must not have taken calculus, which is another great reason why you should give up your stupid dreams of being an engineer. If you know what i am talking about but realize that the whole time calculations actually do not make any sense, then you can now realize how over worked i am; overworked to retardation.

I hardly have time for You Tube. I did think up some skits, short ones. Curt and I will probably try doing them this week. Hopefully I will figure out how to get a higher quality picture. My camera is not HD, and despite what some people think, You Tube does not pay for my equipment and send me $$$. I have a Calculus three exam tomorrow and my professor has been training us like his team of dogs, about to travel tundras of magic. Well...actually he teaches at an incredibly fast rate, my Attention Deficit Disorder can not help but pull me away from his rapidly flapping jaws, excitedly describing to the class how to use vectors in every possible calculation. He is short, bald, and has dark black eyebrows, with a scrunched, wrinkled face. He looks funny, but he is actually somewhat of a comedian, so I think it just improves his style.

Ok, basically i have strayed away from any main point that I started to get a hold of. I have no time. In my 10 minute slots in between agenda blocks, I download movies that are still in theaters, and then I check my facebook in hopes that someone will find my lost key, contact me on Facebook, and return it to me so that i do not have to pay $70 to replace the lock on my door.

Skit Ideas:

'Ccasionally
Psychology Test
Stall Safe Method
Possessed Elevator of Tyler 4th
Marble Bathroom of Heaven

Wow, I usually do not write down my ideas, especially not in nickname form like this. I realized that all five of these ideas are derived from my life. I already know that all of my ideas usually come from real life events, yes my videos are 90% Non-fiction, but i did not realize how much i take from my life. How many other people experience something and just instantly think about making it into a video sketch? Many...

Thanks for reading,
-August

Muse Of Eloquence.

2009-01-29T09:21:00.000-08:00

For my writing /slash/ art class i have to pick out a painting from the Cleveland museum of art to write a five page paper on. In order to "understand" the painting, we need to go to the museum and sketch the artwork we choose. So, on Monday I decided to trek through the horrible cold to the museum to get the sketch done (It was due Tuesday!). When I finally got to the museum I cut through a front path, which was made by many people repeatedly walking over the (now iced) snow. It was quite weird walking past open-windowed classrooms and offices of the museum. As I approached the wonderful glass entrance, a "Greenie" pulled up in the drop-off loop.
I hate mobbing my page with long stories, and this turned out to be a page.
read it here.

:) -August

Relapse of reduced video output? (OR CONTEST!)

2009-01-21T18:22:00.000-08:00

As many of my viewers would have noticed, i started to make very few videos for a long time, then started again, and eventually slowed again in fall of 2008. Bah, back into the semester and i have not had time to even think about what will be in my next video. I have ideas, fantasies of what kind of things i could do with more viewers. I just don't know how many people would enter a contest of mine. I want to do kind of a Mock-my-vlogs style contest. I would of course pick my favorite copy-catter!

How does that sound? If you would make a video for such a contest only to win a random item, such as my expired RTA bus/train pass, then comment me telling me how much you want me to start this thing. If it sounds stupid, then tell me!

Supposed Rules:

length - 2 to 6 min.
Must include some intro/vlog and at least one skit!
Must be mocking BabyKillingUnicorns.
Hurt my feelings or don't, mock me in any style you prefer.
all videos would have to be posted within a 2 week time period after contest starts.
Make thoughtful skits, work hard on the brainstorming process.

PRIZES:
(OF COURSE YOU WILL BE MENTIONED FOR PARTICIPATING ALSO)

First place, expired RTA bus pass!
second, idk, a copy of my neighbor's highschool CD (WINEKONE Imposter).
Third, an autographed printed out picture?

These are all just stupid ideas, it's not like anyone would want any of these, but it would be for the fun of it, and maybe some recognition to my 800 subs.

Sound good? TELL ME!

ITS SO EASY TO COMMENT! CLICK THE THING UNDER THIS POST!
The one that says: # comments and then it will bring you to a page where you can decide what you want to comment with:

Aim
anonymous
name/url
google account

EASY!
vote.

-AUGUST

Thirty Below!

2009-01-16T20:44:00.000-08:00

First week of school. I guess i forgot to mention that i am taking racquetball this semester. I, for some reason, thought that racquetball was a combination of squash and Foosball. It's actually really fun. When i went into Veale, the sports building (probably three times larger than the rich high school that you live/lived by in high school) I was nervous, because honestly i have never been interested in any sport. I walked down the hall following a vampire hunter because i knew he was in my class. I had never talked to this kid before but he has the proper attire for slaying any creature of the night, platform boots, with all the chains and studs, matching jacket, and even giant elephant pants with chains dangling from the pockets. I told him we might as well go into the varsity locker room, and inside sure enough is a super douchey looking guy. I actually believed that he was about to kick us out for invading the Spartan varsity basket ball teams pre-practice warm up. But he did not. He ignored us pretty much. I had never been in anything like this other than gym locker rooms. So i changed and then attempted to ask Buffy what to do with my bag and street clothes. He kept silent but Hollister McAmbercrombie said something like "Well i guess we take 'em with us." I did as he said, i don't know why. It turned out that he was playing racquetball. So when we were supposed to pick racquetball partners the douchey looking guy came up to me, in all honesty he wasn't that douchey looking. "What's your name?"

"August" I replied. "Alright August, you wanna play some racquetball?" Alex turned out to be real cool actually, i think he may be my racquetball buddy. Although he is actually good at it. Don't judge a man by the size of his muscles and the look on their face.

PRIME EXAMPLE: Zach Stickel.

Stickel if you ever read this, i always saw you and used to avoid you quite a bit, mostly because you looked and sounded like an asshole. Seriously though, now i am planning on living with Stickel next fall. Strange how such ironic things happen. As for vampire exterminator, I never accomplished my initiation of a conversation with him, he's probably bad ass though. He probably dusts at least twenty vamps a night.

What is this? I am so weird. I am actually working on a "short" story, I have been for over a week now. I like it, it is very magical and has my favorite animal, beavers. AWESOME!

-August

P.s. If you do end up reading this for some reason, you should leave me a comment, lets be friends. I know it's kind of complicated, but not more than you can handle. If you did not read this, then do not comment me. Ha.

BACK TO SCHOOLZ!

2009-01-11T09:32:00.000-08:00

Hello reader,

I have what one might call difficult classes, but i have no idea how difficult. Physics, calc 3, Polymer Chemisty, SAGES (which is basically a writing class to help develop our writing skills in the fields of engineering and business, since thats what a lot of Case students are. Also i have signed up for an intro psychology class, which i have decided i would like to drop already for an easy art or film class. How would a film class work, i'm worried, because i am such a self discovering person, i cannot sit in a class while someone tells me, a You Tube partner that i have been doing something wrong. I mean, how many You Tube partners are out there? To answer that, there are a lot of partners, considering the masses of companies and bands who all pay to become partnered, and all the people who gain thousands of subscribers by means of spamming their shitty material around in the hopes that it will go "viral." No. I would rather have my 800 true subscribers than a million fakes. Will anyone in the film class know what a You Tube partner even is? Will they respect me for it, because I have put my life into video making, and if they think that You Tube is the lowest end of film/video entertainment, then I do not want to be associated with them, I mean, if i had amazing equipment and skills, i would enter film contests and do damn good, but with the way I just mess around with stuff to discover how to use it, I think i'm doing pretty well.

What is this semester going to be like, other than horribly stressful. physics for one is going to be a pain, I am sorry to say this but i hardly learned from Mr. Roth. He was a great teacher, he was funny, he connected with us, but with all of the near retarded gossip we spent class discussing, we only learned three fourths of the material that was intended to be taught to us. I am going to freaking Case. I wish I would have had some way to learn more from that highschool class than i did, but now i will just be unprepared and suffering. I'll catch on though, I usually do. I can handle whatever I need to. That's just it though, I usually adjust to do the minimum of anything that I am told to do. With three 'A's and a 'C' I guess the minimum was enough for the first set of classes. Wish me luck, and read a short story at http://AugustLovesBabies.blogspot.com/

-August

Blogging...or writing exercise?

2009-01-09T21:49:00.000-08:00

Is this blogging thing for real? I believe i will slowly do it less and less until I get to a certain point where i update it five to ten times a month. Who knows though, i have always loved writing, i just had no purpose for it so maybe this will be my purpose. I want to sort of exercise my writing skills, and improve them through practicing in story telling. I decided i would share another dream with you, not to make you cry tears of sadness, more to just sit and wonder what the hell is messed up in my brain. I seriously do not know where some of my dreams come from. If you were to have such strange dreams would you not tell me about them? I am sure you would, and that is why i am sharing my insanity with you today. Go to http://AugustLovesBabies.blogspot.com/ to read my trippy dream, and leave comments, it's free. Here's a direct link to the story! or here is a PDF download: Crazy Amusement Park Dream.PDF

-August

Bad Dreams Are Just Nightmares That Can Come True.

2009-01-07T11:09:00.000-08:00

What a nasty dream. Why am i plagued with such realistic dreams lately? Is it because my imagination is being exercised so much from reading and being in college(A college that makes me think more than any high school class ever has, aside from a few days in Mr Conklin's ..."English" classes). I have been having these realistic dreams even when i don't consume pizza and other junk foods! They are not what most people call dreams, they are not happy, and they do not usually end with any fulfilling final chapter. I refuse to call them nightmares because there is no unrealistic monster, and there is no unexplained mound of bugs under my covers(in the dream of course). Nightmares cannot come true, they are just mythical dreams. Dreams can comes true, whether we want them to or not. That is how i classify my dreams and nightmares... other wise, what would the term "bad dream" even mean? If you want to read my dream, it's quite interesting, go to my story blog, http://AugustLovesBabies.blogspot.com/ :)
OR here is a direct link to the story! :)
Here is the PDF version of the story : Horrible Dream.PDF

-August

What is a louse? Am I lovely?

2009-01-06T20:56:00.000-08:00

Dear BKU fanatic(because i assume everyone loves me...how rude!),

Just like every new thing i come to, i really do not know what i am doing, but somehow, i feel like it's for me. I'm not trying to be arrogant or anything, it's just that...well i guess in a way i am. I am a You Tube partner, and it has gone to my head! I read a blog and a few books and now i think i can WRITE?! who am i to believe such a thing? I'm August Yadon. Will that name ring bells in houses all around the world or at least the united states some day? probably not. But i have always had a feeling in the back of my head that I am going to be somewhat important. ok, ok, maybe I just ate a delicious piece of taffy, causing my head to nearly explode right before it blasts through the ceiling at which time the friend standing next to says he told me so, maybe that is why i feel so "on top of the world" about everything i do. Who knows.
ceiling... i always seem to spell the stupidest words like that wrong. e's and i's do not even look alike, so why is it that they are so often mixed up when next to eachother in words of the english language? What the hell? And the expression i just used, what does it mean? What....The....Hell. I'm not even going to begin to decifer its entymology.
So is there any reason i started typing this tonight? Do i just love to start talking so that I can go off on tangents? Do I care that only half of my singular "I"s are capitalized? No, Yes and No. (By the way, when dealing with the comma rule about three listed things, where there is a debate of whether or not to use a comma before "and", i stand on the non-comma side...most of the time.)

Did you know that BabyKillingUnicorns was created a month before i posted a video? I made the channel with intentions of including my younger sister in the video making dreams that me, my brother and my friend Jordan were so avidly chasing. Courtney did want to be in a vlog with me when i suggested it. We made plenty of names for what we could use as a channel name. Most of the names were retarded, so i chose the least retarded one of all: BabyKillingUnicorns.

Courtney^(messing with photobooth on my macbook)

I am wondering if my arrogance and my attempt at using my college built writing skills is entertaining you. If you are reading, then one of those must be working. I am going to hope it is the latter, because i hate being outwardly arrogant. So my last post, it was a short story with a writing style STRONGLY influence by that of George Saunders. Shawn Harris of The Matches guided me to the master story teller. I love Shawn Harris(not sexually), even if my most intimate encounter with him was having him sign my nipple as a crazed fan. I will one day post a pic of the signed ticket from that very show, the best show i ever went to! Until then i'll try to be more interesting. I'm just starting, besides if I weren't going to always try to be more and more interesting, would that not get extremely boring, aiming for equal or lesser entertainment value every time? bah, Good bye, and enjoy my future stories...like THIS ONE! (CONSTRUCTION WORKER)
-August

Welcome to bloggerdom?

2009-01-04T20:56:00.000-08:00

I have never really used blogs as anything more than an outlet; a type of diary, private for only me to vent about my most heinous secret things. And now i guess i want to just type someeeething in here since, you know, this is a blog. I don't intend to keep up with this blog in any way, and maybe i will never use it again, but if i feel the need to blurt out a random story that i have been dying to tell someone, i shall come to my blogger blog first.
:)
-August